... ... ...

I got a really nice sms just now and it got me thinking
despite all the odds, the miles between us, the lack of hanging out time, the really varied interests, it really amazes me how we’ve managed to stay together for so long. many times we take things for granted. we assume that certain things are always meant to be. that nothing will change but as we look around us in this empty white space we term as the world, we cannot be acknowledge that time is slipping us by and that the world continues to spin its destined direction with or without us. and so, as we forge our own separate paths, by all rights, we should be treading a single line. but time and time again, we’ve managed to criss-cross. our life paths inextricably tangled together at various points. some may see it as a tiresome mess to extract themselves from. they may grumble, gripe or grouse. they may even throw tantrums. i’m just glad we met, we fellowshipped and decided to continue bumbling along together. it makes the journey all the more interesting with you around.

the joyride

lately i’ve been feeling more acutely that I’ve been taken more and more for granted. Just because I choose not to move from where I am doesn’t mean I haven’t been observing what has been going around me. must I always be the constant in everyone’s life? sometimes, just sometimes, I would like to do the opposite, be defiant and screw up just like everybody else. just because everyone else always screw up doesn’t mean that it’s ok to always forgive them and when I decide for the one rare blue moon time to step out of the pedestal that you’ve given me and try to paint the town red, I get chastised for it. Phrases like ‘you have changed’ and ‘I don’t expect this from you’ follow closely behind. The term unfair doesn’t even cut it. Understandably that I should be reprimanded for my misdemeanor but why am I being measured on a different yardstick from everyone else? why is the tolerance level for my misdeeds so much lower? I’m not perfect. I am only human. But why when you screw up nary an apology and I keep quiet for want of harmony and peace, I get it straight back in my face. The irony of it all. If this is what happens when one is responsible and dependable then I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m tired of being the one who will always be there and will not f*** up. I quit. screw it.

one voice one lifetime

I understand that each day I place a lot of stress on my vocals.
Without warming up, I place myself at risk of losing my voice.
I have only one voice for one lifetime.
The same is true of my students.

a new beginning of sorts

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins?
It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not even a new year.
It’s an event - big or small, something that changes us, ideally it gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, letting go of old habits, old memories.
What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning but it's also important to remember, amid all the crap, are a few things really worth holding on to.

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932

* Godspeed Hwei Yen. You are dearly missed *

take time...

Take time to think; it is the source of power.
Take time to read; it is the foundation of wisdom.
Take time to play; it is the secret of staying young.
Take time to be quiet; it is the opportunity to seek God
Take time to be aware; it is the opportunity to help others.
Take time to love and be lived; it is God’s greatest gift.
Take time to laugh; it is the music of the soul.
Take time to be friendly; it is the road to happiness.
Take time to dream; it is what the future is made up of.
Take time to pray; it is the greatest power on earth.

Author Unknown

the power-hungry

there are always going to be those who blame others for their own mistakes or undermine the efforts of others so they look better. To deal with bullies, maintain an assertive and calm demeanor, avoid getting drawn into heated arguments and keep discussions to the facts. It’ll soon be clear they haven’t got much of a point underlying their harsh criticisms.

*五月天* 你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了 你已经决定了

你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深切切淡掉了

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了 然后再后悔着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你知道真正的快乐你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让配角全部结束在此刻重新开始活着

This World Needs Leaders…

Who use their influence at the right times for the right reasons;
Who take a little greater share of the blame and a little share of the credit;
Who lead themselves successfully before attempting to lead others;
Who continue to search for the best answer, not the familiar one;
Who add value to the people and organization they lead;
Who work for the benefit of others and not for personal gain;
Who handle themselves with their heads and handle others with their hearts;
Who know the way, go the way, and show the way;
Who inspire and motivate rather than intimidate and manipulate;
Who live with people to know their problems and live with God in order to solve them;
Who realize that their dispositions are more important than their positions;
Who mold opinions instead of following opinion polls;
Who understand that an institution is the reflection of their character;
Who never place themselves above others except in carrying responsibilities;
Who will be as honest and faithful in small things as in great things;
Who discipline themselves so they will not be disciplined by others;
Who encounter setbacks and turn them into comebacks;
Who follow a moral compass that points in the right direction regardless of the trends.

An extract from the book “Effective Leadership” by Pastor Rony

* I have much to learn *

02082008

I’ve been really blessed with tons of stuff this year
Let’s see…

• a kiss
• loads of hugs
• birthday money
• oodles of sms-es
• handmade cards
• bunches of flowers
• silly pictures & poses
• a HUGE mug + a book
• couple of DVDs and CDs
• a tiara & toilet paper sash
• 3 cakes + 5 birthday songs
• a box of tartlets + an apple
• a girls only slumber party + a bolster
• uncountable handshakes & well-wishes

so here’s heaps of love to my bunch of silly friends with great big hearts overflowing with love
the fact that you’re always there makes the going so much easier to bear
thanks for the fabulous day!

looking up into the sky

somehow I seem to prefer the way the sky turns a lovely salmon pink when it bids farewell to the sun to the early rays of the morning sun brightening the sky. funny huh.
maybe it’s the way I feel so blessed for having lived a day more.
by the way, I like stars too.

hearing my cries

Do not despise your own prayers which come from your heart. They are so precious to God that the fragrance of your communication with Him is captured in golden bowls up there in Heaven. That means He has never forgotten what you have prayed, even the petitions you had uttered many years ago. They perfume the atmosphere of Heaven, and they are also in God’s heart.

An excerpt from Pastor Rony’s message on “The Central Control”

missing pieces

I really miss you guys. the dull ache suddenly became harder to bear today. was it the photo taking or was it the gloomy weather of late. or was it the knowledge that yet more of you are going to go real soon. sometimes I wished things could have just stayed the same and nothing ever changed but then I remember that you chose to go because you believed in a better tomorrow somewhere out there and took the plunge to see it through. then therein lies the question of whether I’m just too scared to go out into the big unknown or just plain stupid to let go and realize that things will never ever change for the better or maybe I’m just an optimist and am waiting a miracle to happen.

seeking

An encounter with God
by Os Hillman

So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision, I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. - Daniel 10:8

Daniel received a vision that troubled him greatly. He wanted understanding of this vision. He set himself out to understand the vision by fasting for three weeks. Three days after his three weeks of fasting, a messenger of God appeared to Daniel. The messenger explained that Heaven had heard his prayer from the first day, but the angel was temporarily prevented from coming by the prince of Persia, a demon angel, who sought to thwart God's messenger from coming to Daniel.

There are times in our lives when we must set ourselves to seeking God with all our hearts. It is in these times that we hear from Heaven in ways we may never have experienced before. Daniel's perseverance in prayer was rewarded with a personal encounter with Heaven. However, in order to receive from God, Daniel had to be left alone, have his strength removed, and be placed in a helpless condition.

When we have no ability in our own strength to move Heaven or the events around us, we are in position to hear from Heaven. It is the acknowledgment of our humanity and our frailness that places us in a position to have a personal encounter with the living God.

c.h.a.n.g.e

there are things in life we cannot change
and then there are things in life that we can change
however we never try to change the things that we can change
but instead constantly attempt to change the things that we cannot change

pushing my limits

I think I’ve bitten off way much more than I can chew. The apprehension of screwing up is currently keeping me alive. Then again I might just be trying to numb it all by throwing myself headlong into work. A stupid way but refreshing good at that point of time. Well let’s just see how it all pans out. Either I come out victorious or dashed into pieces. Somehow or other, I don’t think I’d feel real good whatever the outcome. As it is, I’m getting the intermittent chest pains and breathlessness again. And my mum’s starting to camp out in my room to monitor my eating routine. This is seriously not a very good sign.

the valued

“We don’t need more strength or more ability or greater opportunity. What we need is to use what we have.”
Basil S. Walsh

circles

"Lasting success in life is knowing your identity, purpose and destiny"
Rony Tan

*lately I’ve been going around in circles. the link’s inspiring thought really hit home. perhaps it’s time to seriously consider what I really do want and stop humming & hawing about it.*

another career option

today a good friend of mine said I sounded liked an airport announcer whenever I say the pledge. very professional. *phew* for a moment I thought I was screwing it up really bad and everyone was just being nice and sleepily enduring me early in the morning.
oh goody. another career option to be explored.

unruly emotions

my heart simply isn’t all that obedient lately. it has leapt at unforeseen circumstances, thumped incessantly and all that activity has influenced the brain to think of people that should have been long forgotten and stored in the dusty reaches of the long term memory section. sheesh. i must be having too much time on my hands.

34 days of freedom

i’ve watched loads of movies, braved the rain, gone shopping, seen the dermatologist, baked & decorated cupcakes, gone for courses, embraced domestication, had dinner with old pals, explored the singapore science centre, mapped out a curriculum outline, closed 3 department accounts, got a new credit card, completed a jigsaw puzzle, listened to the radio, read a dozen books, taken the mrt, gone for a massage, cut & coloured my hair, backed-up my hard drive, cooked, dutifully read the Straits Times while having breakfast, cleared my mess of a table, tidied my overflowing bookcase, went to a birthday party, reshuffled my audio-visual collection, hopped into one too many taxis, threw out tons of rubbish, folded & ironed my avalanche of clothes, bonded with my scv cable modem & digital set-top box, weeded out unwanted & unused stuff, completed a couple of korean drama serials, ‘babysitted’ the god-kids, attended an engagement, washed the dishes, watched crazy christmas twice, visited ONE LIFE exhibition, sang my lungs out during a really expensive karaoke session, slept in, eaten late, partied & hung out till early morning, shopped at mustaffa, made Christmas & thank you presents, applied for study leave, suffered through nightmares for a week, visited the singapore zoological gardens, bought things online, organized the ssg eoy gathering, filled up my beanbag, survived a flu attack, pigged out and grown fatter.

well nothing lasts forever. time to put my nose back to the grindstone.

broken dreams

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God because He was my Friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, “How can You be so slow?”
“My child,” He said, “What could I do? You never did let go.”

proud mama

by all rights, I know I should be sick in my stomach kinda of jealous and going all googly-eyed green but truth be told, I’m just so puffed up proud for her that I really, honestly, wanna cry. I’m just so deliriously glad she’s doing what she’s really happy and good at doing and as for me, strangely despite all my gripes, I still love what I’m doing. I may not be wearing high fashion or earning oodles of money but I love my job, stress and all so please don’t ask me to trade it all in except for one that features loads of big outdoors and villages.

come home

i simply love the song. enuff said.

what God won’t ask on that day

God won't ask what kind of car you drove.
He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

God won't ask the square footage of your house.
He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet.
He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

God won't ask what your highest salary was.
He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

God won't ask what your job title was.
He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of our ability.

God won't ask how many friends you had.
He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived.
He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin.
He'll ask about the content of your character.

God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation.
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

love is blind

Sometimes the complexity of life doesn't really hit till it does. Right there in the gut. I try not to discriminate even though it's pretty tough not to. Personal experiences haven't made it any better. Strange though, since I'm really a typical colour mixture portfolio. What tickled my funny bone and warmed my heart was when someone made pretty scathing remarks but excluded me from the main targets of aim, despite belonging to the same colour mix. Love is blind, in more ways than one. I am loved despite my colour.

the challenge

the money went in today. now it’s just wait and see.

unable vs unwilling

Today a pipsqueak half my age nagged at me to heed the nation’s call to procreate and aid the dwindling global population. She isn’t the first; neither will she be the last. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m genuinely unable to shackle another person for life or am I unconsciously resisting the notion and just plain running away. Somehow the process seems all so much more fun.

wise words

“We cannot talk to men effectively about God until we have spoken to Him about man.”

Lighter’s Link, September 16, 2007

living in genting minus the slot machines

my brother came home declaring a haze alert. apparently the neighbours have been engaged in some pretty enthusiastic burning for the past hour or so hence resulting in our current genting-like abode. one wonders when they’ll realize the only thing they’re expediting is their passage to seeing those illusioned addition of riches to the family ancestors whilst my poor lungs take a battering from all the smoke residue.

not everything’s for me!

I came home laden. But yet, after sorting thru the stuff, I realized the “things-for-me” pile is distinctively smaller than the “things-for-others” pile. Strange. Only one super big regret this time is not buying more of the real comfy pretty dresses from Na Dao (Platinum Mall / #G-188). Thank goodness I visit the Land of Smiles ever so often. Till the next time then.

more than I can handle

Every this time of the year, I get more presents than I can handle or even want. Nope, it’s not my birthday nor is it Christmas. Anyways, I received some pretty useful stuff this year. Those I’ve put aside. The rest are in a paper bag for next year’s lucky dip. Who says I don’t take recycling seriously?

somehow somewhere

I didn’t ask to be perfect. I didn’t ask for things to come my way. I didn’t ask for situations to happen. But why when things go all topsy-turvy, everyone looks for me for answers. I don’t know everything. I can’t fix everything. Why can’t people just stop looking for me for solutions to problems I didn’t create in the first place? Whenever did I become the all knowing fix-it person? Somewhere along the line, it’s become unfathomable for me to fail. To screw up. I’m not perfect you know. I’m still only human. A little one for that matter. An inexperienced one to boot. I didn’t ask to be ‘smart’ or rational. I was made to become that way. Didn’t anyone realize that I didn’t really have a choice in that matter? I can’t remember ever having a chance to whine, stomp around the place and throw massive tantrums. Every tear I’ve shed was most probably recycled back into my system. But frankly, one can only hold so much in before finally caving. sometimes, I think my shoulders ache out of pure exhaustion of an emotional level more than a physical kind. Can I for once be the person strewing the pieces around the place? Can I just sit here and not have any answers to give?
Can I finally just be at a loss at what to do?
Can I? May I?

getting old

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

*growing old is a super pain. thank goodness there’ll always be others older than me*

what's in a name

Elizabeth
Derivation : From “Elisheba” meaning “oath of God”
Origin : Hebrew
Character : Refined
Strengths : Has the ability to cope in a crisis
Physical : No goal is too high for her to reach
Emotional : Builds relationships that last

morose moments

many times I stand in a crowd and feel so alone
the world seems to be passing me by, leaving me behind
everyday the finishing line gets further and blurer
the colours slowly ebbing away, exposing the ugly concrete grey

I’m getting used to people dear going away
betrayal. heartaches. relocation.
very soon nothing’s gonna really matter anymore
just another drop of despair in the murky depths of angst

*It seems the older one gets, the smaller the space to dream*

if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I’ve been playing this song over and over again and yet it stubbornly sticks in my mind, replaying over and over again whenever peace and silence reigns in my mind. partially irritating but I really suspect it’s because the words are so true and profound that it simply has to ring from my mind right through my subconscious.

*Chasing Cars*

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

after 5 days of mental brainwashing

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover."
Mark Twain

not knowing

“You just have to know. And when you don’t know then no one can fault you for it. You do what you can, when you can, while you can. When you can’t, you can’t.”
Dr ‘The Nazi’ Miranda Bailey, Grey’s Anatomy

a real pain in the arse

I just re-read some of my old entries and I think I’m turning into an insufferable whining prig. Now that’s a horrid thought. Whatever happened? But truth be told, it’s getting harder and harder to smile in the face of such extreme adversaries. PR was really never my cup of tea. Panyways, I suppose it’s time to think good thoughts… think good thoughts… it’s all in the mind… yeah, right. Someone pass me a barf bag. quick!

a new beginning of sorts

Many a time life hits us with the unexpected. A curve ball that one simply can’t dodge. And for how long have you allowed that same ball to hit you square in the eye, over and over again. How many bruises have you sustained with the countless continuous battering pain without making a squeak of a sound. How many times have you envisioned a day free of such head pounding madness. How long have you lasted replaying those days in your head and yet do nothing at all. Isn’t it time to do something? The ball’s in your court, no matter where you think it really is.
Do something for yourself. For once.

christmas

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honour and glory for ever and ever.
1 Timothy 1:17 NIV

welcome to the world

today the world added another babe to its tally.
she's absolutely gorgeous.
to the guys out there, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

destitute

i spent the whole day exploring aka shopping at parkway parade with my mum. go figure.

forgotting what to do with leisure

my life is slipping away.
literally, since I’m doing nothing much with my leave.
so what exactly does one do with long stretches of time?
eat? sleep?
been there, done that.
anymore suggestions?

so bloody tired

like my header reads, I’m so damn bloody tired. my head throbs, my back aches and my doc had to prescribe some anti-tension / relaxation pills for me today. am supposed to take two before I hit the sack, whenever that is. just have to hang on for 2 more days. it’ll really be by God’s grace when I survive the next 48 hours sanity intact.

The Land Of Inbetween

We usually don’t like being in between anything - not big trucks on the highway, no a rock and a hard place, not jobs, not a hammer and nail, and not feuding neighbours. However, that’s precisely where we’ll spend most our time – “The Land of Inbetween” – without ever realizing that is where we are.

While there are many highs and lows in our walk with Jesus, we’ll actually spend most of out time somewhere in between the highest highs and the lowest lows. Those long passages through “The Land of Inbetween” intensify our highs and prepare us to survive the lows.

As much as we would like to always fly like eagles or run and never faint, we will spend most of our lives walking with Jesus (Isaiah 40:28-31). We will remember those flights of spiritual ecstasy and power. We will replay those hard races against our enemy. However, our souls will be nourished and our spirits fed in “The Land of Inbetween” or we will never reach our highs or survive our lows.

Unless I’m mistaken, you’re probably in “The Land of Inbetween” right this moment. After awhile, it gets to be a comfortable place. We take it for granted since it is so familiar. That’s what makes our stay here so important – we will live so much of our lives here, ingraining habits and settling into routines. However, when the times of trial come, when moments of great accomplishment for God’s Kingdom are presented to us, what we’ve done to grow in “The Land of Inbetween” will determine where we come out in the end.

While I’d love to always be on the mountain tops with God or soaring on the wings of eagles, experience has taught me that much of my time will be spent in “The Land of Inbetween”. If you find yourself there with me, then why not make your time here useful so that when the times for peaks and valleys come, you’re ready to live for God.


*How ironical to read this off a piece of scrap paper due for recycling. How long will one languish before reality finally hits? I think somewhere deep inside, I have the answer but I’m too afraid and way too stubborn to face them.

the certainty of death

“Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it might toll for thee.”
John Donne

May the dragon lady have a great time in heaven. I am a better person because of her.

taken for granted

i guess the nagging feeling has always been there and there should have had been outbursts but lately I really feel that I’ve been taken more and more for granted.

it sucks.

Bigtime.

Is being too nice a liability? But then again, when has my bitch persona ever been nice?

to people who choose a lifetime of serving mad kids

While the Good Lord was creating teachers, He was into His sixth day of 'overtime' when the angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around with this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the specs on this order? She has to stand above all her students, yet be on their level, be able to do 180 other things not connected with the subject she teaches, run on coffee, cokes, and leftovers, communicate vital knowledge to thousands of students daily, and be right, have as much, and sometimes more, time for her job as she does for herself, have a smile that can endure everything from practical jokes to pay cuts, go on teaching when parents question her every move and the administration doesn't understand, and have six pairs of hands.

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... not possible."

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord. "It's the three pairs of eyes that teachers have to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that can see a student for what he is and not what society has labeled him. Another pair must be in the back of her head, to see what she shouldn't, but what she has to know. OF course, the ones here in front can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect, 'I understand and I still believe in you.' without so much as uttering a word."

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, "Come to bed. Tomorrow…"

"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who comes to work when she is too sick, can still teach a class when they don't want to learn, loves thousands of children that are not her own and all of this in both sexes. And wait until you see my Special Ed teacher! She is truly special; she will never take anything her students do for granted."

The angel circled the model of the teacher very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.

"But tough," said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this teacher can do or endure."

"Can she think?"

"Not only can she think, but she can reason and compromise."

Finally the angel bent over and ran her fingers across the cheek of the teacher. "There's a leak," she pronounced." I told you that you were putting too much into this model. You can't imagine the stress factor."

The Lord moved in for a closer look and gently lifted the drop of moisture to His finger where it glistened and sparkled in the light."It's not a leak," He said. "It's a tear."

"A tear?" asked the angel. "What's it for?"

"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, compassion, pain, loneliness and pride."

"You are a genius," said the angel.

The Lord looked somber.

"I didn't put it there."

the weekend edition of the Wall Street Journal

Essentially, the WSJ article provided an insightful look into how Asian countries, especially South Korea which is long known for its ‘workaholism’, have responded to the 5-day work. The story led with an account of a South Korean housewife lamenting the fact that her husband was now at home on Saturdays and how his presence has made her life more miserable since he seemed to have absolutely no idea about what to do with his day off, leaving his wife to make even more domestic decisions and having to meet more of his unreasonable demands. This situation, the WSJ said, was common as it highlighted the fact that many Koreans are unnerved by the prospect of not going to the office on Saturdays and are deeply uncomfortable because they just do not know what to do with themselves with the time off.

To help their perplexed workers make the most of their free time, some companies have gone to the extent of organising ‘leisure club’ activities and have appointed ‘leisure counsellors’ for these workers, just so that they fill the empty Saturdays. In fact, many South Korean men are stressed by the time off, and worry about the economic burden leisure time is imposing on them, since they now have to worry about higher expenses necessitated by more family outings. One unnamed white-collar South Korean worker summarised, “I am beginning to realise that feeling guilty, staying long hours, and not knowing how to rest is part of our legacy.”

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that counts. It’s the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

profound thoughts from a friend

Reputation (名誉) is what people think you are

Personality (性格) is what you seem to be

Character (个性) is what you really are

another harebrained scheme

Join 5 Takes!
In under 150 words, tell us why you should be a TJ in the next season of 5 Takes

To say that I have a passion for travel is simply putting it really mildly. I have spent every spare time possible traveling around Asia. There have been trips to eastern China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Cambodia and parts of Thailand and Vietnam. Being of mixed heritage with Chinese and Indian parents, I am also effectively bilingual (Mandarin and English).

There are many other reasons why I should be a TJ in the next season of 5 Takes. Some of them include being tech-savvy, having a flair for writing and a background training in mass communications. Then, there are the personality traits like being sociable, resourceful and adventurous.

But more importantly, being a travel journalist requires one to be the eyes and legs of the community that lives and breathes through his/her every experience as if it is their very own. I believe I have what it takes to be that person.

*I did it! I actually signed up to be a travel journalist! One never ceases to be amazed by the number of harebrained schemes I manage to come up with. And now, I wait*

a little patience goes a long way

There are many who actually read these mishmash ramblings of mine. And then there are many more who have lamented, either publicly or in private, the pseudo demise of the lack of refreshing new words to read.

For the record, I like to write but the laziness in me hinders the timely updates on cyberspace. So grit and bear with it. Every once in a while, your patience will be rewarded by an onslaught and when that happens, don’t grouse. Haven’t you heard that creative people tend to border on psychotic and temperamental?

complication

Haven’t you realised that we tend to complicate things as we grow older. Seems like there are more gray areas than there are of black and white. When did the simple life get so convoluted?

sidelined

it’s quite a refreshing change to sit and listen for a change. Perhaps getting sidelined every once in a while isn’t such a bad idea either. It’s only when you take a step back do you realize that there are so many things you tend to miss out when you are so self-absorbed in front of the pack. The little gestures, the little smirks, the grins, the ever bubbling giggles bursting forth at each silly antics displayed. How could I have missed out on all that? Has being a leader really dulled my basic senses and instincts? By slowing down and refusing to get work done, doesn’t equate to sloth and defiance. It’s a conscious effort to start thinking about what’s really important in my life.

At the sidelines, you see the things that escape your fleeting scans. The quiet teachings of children teaching each other. Their refreshing honesty. Why is it every time I think of leaving, there’ll always be something that makes me stop to think about my decision. Is this God’s way of a gentle rebuke? Is he telling me that I’m already where he wants me to be but I’m the one who’s trying to get that whiff of “fresh” air. It’s been a rocky 3 years. There has been ups and downs, the highs and the lows. At times like this, I wonder whether I’ve been doing the teaching or vice versa. There have been so many humbling moments in my life, where they seem to know more and in their quiet obtrusive way and childlike faith, sometimes, the truth is also much clearer through their eyes, actions and thoughts. I have been humbled and brought to my knees by people half my size and a fraction of my age. The quiet humor of my Lord, I cannot help but smile.

And yet I see the silent questions in their eyes and on their lips. Their steely unwavering gaze of their eyes and the lines of determination creased on their foreheads.

getting tired

Sometimes, I find it’s much easier to just find someone and get married, “buy” a place (yeah right. 99 year lease), have kids, grow older (hopefully with the same guy) and then go home to meet my maker aka die.

And then again, the stubborn feminist streak in me is stirred up to debunk those seemingly weak-willed dependency thoughts and chastise me for such inclinations since I’ve been brought up to think for myself and not rely on others.

But there are times when being on the top is really lonely business ’coz there seems to be no space at all for anyone else.

It’s been so peaceful lately. Just like the calm before a storm. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out to be the eye of the storm instead.

arrival

You know you’ve arrived when you are able to fully comprehend and understand the intricacies of being pregnant and start spending more time poring over Thomas the train catalogue and the toy section in department stores than stuff of your own.

s.h.a.o.w.e.i

I honestly have no idea what’s so great about him. Well, he’s really tall. Has a great smile and oh, those to-die-for dimples... yeah, tell me about it. I’m a HUGE sucker for dimples. But then, he talks way too much. Rubbish in fact. And please don’t start me on his silly antics. But I’m still drawn to him. Is it because one’s eyesight really does deteriorate as one ages? Tis a frightening thought. Or maybe coz I’ve always felt sorry for the underdog. Perhaps when I’m actually free, I should do a rundown of the cute guys I’ve ever liked and see whether there’s some sort of running likeness traits. But for now, just live with my present crush yah?

Excerpt from a highly disgruntled fan:
“This is sickening. In MVP情人, Shao Wei isn't as good in ball skills. In 西街少年, he's the jailed one. In 格斗天王, he's beaten to a pulp. In 王子变青蛙, Ye Tianyu doesn’t want him and then he has to take care of a mental patient. In 愛情魔髮師, he gives all to Xiaobei but she likes Yasi. KNS.”

Psalm 23

*an adaptation for the workplace*

The Lord is my real boss, and I shall not want. He gives me peace, when chaos is all around me. He gently reminds me to pray and do all things without murmuring and complaining.

He reminds me that he is my source and not my job. He restores my sanity everyday and guides my decisions that I might honor him in all that I do.

Even though I face absurd amounts of e-mails, system crashes, unrealistic deadlines, budget cutbacks, gossiping co-workers, discriminating supervisors and an aging body that doesn't cooperate every morning, I still will not stop for He is with me. His presence, His peace, and His power will see me through.

He raises me up, even when they fail to promote me. He claims me as His own, even when the company threatens to let me go. His Faithfulness and love is better than any bonus check.

His retirement plan beats every CPF there is. When it's all said and done, I'll be working for Him a whole lot longer and for that,

I WILL BLESS HIS NAME!

dinner@onefullerton

It’s been a nice long dinner. Scottish layout, English dining style. Albeit a tad boring initially though. But it’s a refreshing change from the normal noisy overfeeding Chinese dinners one is so used to. However, I’m kind of languishing from the obvious lack of robust human communication. But I’ve got to admit that the food is really awesome. Tandoori cod fillet. *droolz* Now that is what I call a piece of delectable edible art.

beyond the surface

In this day and age, when everything seems to be falling apart, it’s amazing that one’s value system still has the ability and capacity to stand its own and not have fallen apart or has it? Really. Is it just a facade which portrays an image that one wants to see but in reality, the rot and dampness has already gotten to the core and heart of the system. Hence, the pseudo image that one conjures so as to pacify one’s inner self and peace of mind.

stargazing

9:35 AM
It’s so darn exhilarating. I’m going for my first ever singing/meet-the-popstars session. So I’m not doing any overnight queue thingy but it’s so exciting anyway. The droolable guys. The screaming fans. The sweaty bodies mashed together in a hot, temperature-rising place. Then again, maybe not. So today, I’m a tad espionage.

12:50 AM
It’s quite fun really. Stuck under a pretty red umbrella, sitting equally pretty. The bum hurts terribly though. Hope I didn’t overstress my tailbone. It’s almost one and the sun’s getting merciless. Time really flies when you’re doing no-brainer stuff like this. To think I used to diss such stuff. Have a nagging feeling those chaps are going to be late. *sigh*

fishy business

*a tribute to monsieur yellow tang fish*

dearly beloved,
we are gathered together to remember the short dismal lives of mr yellow tang fish. no, not just mere fish were they. they were friends, soul mates, comrades-in-arms. in short, brothers in very sense of the word. at $35 apiece, it was way expensive kinship I must say. but then, who are we to comment on the minute value placed on the greater love felt? today, we celebrate the short-lived journey and sudden passing of the ill-fated mr yellow tang fish and to condemn the lousy third-rate fish shop that they were procured from. they will be sorely missed, heart and pocket. may they contribute richly to the plant eco-system.

mayday mayhem

It took me 4 hrs to get settled and start work proper. Mind you. I was home today and not at the workplace. And all I had planned to finish doing today was to clear my clothes. Fold, iron, the works. Ya, clothes. Just pieces of colourful cloth. Not to imagine expensive. I used to think the best solution to one’s dwindling clothes situation was to get new ones. That was, until today.

I’m now saddled with a HUGE mountain to clear. Whatever was I thinking? Another hair-brained idea gone awry. Me thinks me so have to stop buying clothes… NAH. I almost succumbed to a weak moment of folly. Shopping will always be a woman’s prerogative. I’d say AMEN to that.

maybe baby

It seems, of late, the latest accessory to have is a baby. A must have apparently. Everyone’s getting one. From the who’s who in high pooh pooh society to the ordinary woman on the street. Anyone and everyone you meet these days either have one, is having one or trying to have one. And then what?

Erm… apparently, these things aren’t returnable. Neither do they come with a manual nor are they covered with a warranty of any sorts. And there definitely isn’t a money-back guarantee. And boy, do they cost an arm and a leg. And still, they’re flying off the shelves. One wonders why.

age acceleration

I’m feeling my age. Really. So quit laughing will ya. work. dinner party. choir. buying trip. rugby sevens. funeral wake. I’m totally completely whacked out. Even the adrenaline isn’t flowing.

Haven’t you gotten to a point when your age starts creeping up on you and pounces when you least expect it? There has to be a point when your body sends that all important signal that it’s time to slow down and quit pushing yourself too fast and too hard. So beneath the teeny-bopper clothes or lifestyle that we try so desperately hard to emulate, our body is growing older by the nano-second.

I’m thinking it only accelerates as the years go pass.

a life of firsts...

I’m getting into a terrible habit of writing on fast food tray liners. It’s MOS Burger Causeway Point today and they’ve got this lovely picture of their latest gratin créme burger. Too bad I’m not hungry right now.

Come to think of it, it’s my first time in this place. It’s been here for at least the last 2 years and I do believe I’ve never set foot in here. Why not? Why never?

And that got me thinking. Isn’t life full of firsts? The first time we fell in love. The first time we went to school. The first time we got our paycheck. Weren’t those great moments? Albeit all the tears and cheers?

When did we stop being happy and excited with new experiences? When did the dreariness of life start to dull our senses and bog us down? When did we stop feeling and seeing? When did it become almost suicidal to speak our mind?

Perhaps it’s easier when one compartmentalizes our thoughts, feelings and actions. The love goes here and then the happiness there and oh yeah, let’s squeeze in some grief in this little corner. There! All packed and stacked.

Has life been degraded to such a stage? I think mine has hit the rut and heading towards the downslide. Yours too?

trudging through angst

I sit here all prepared to write. My pen posed in mid-air and I don’t know how to start. The bane of a writer. But then again, I’m not a writer. Not yet.

It’s the perfect environment. I’ve got the Singapore River on my right, Shenton Way behind me, a cool breeze, a rattan chair, an umbrella to shade me from the scorching sun, a fruit tea and a slice of walnut brownie cheesecake and for a split second, I’m conned into believing there’s nothing wrong with my life.

So there is nothing wrong with my life. There’s something wrong with me. Every once in a while I evaluate myself. Fear. Is everyone afraid of being free? I panic wherever I have free time. Pockets of pure luxury and I hit the panic button frantically. For a brief moment, I hyperventilate as my mind races on about the multitude of things I’m not doing. I’m frightened that when my hands are idle, I think. Think of the very things that I try so hard to forget.

My mum says I’m angry. I think I’m perpetually angry. By working, I keep my anger away. Apparently. By being busy, I cease to have time to ponder on these issues. By staying on my feet, I run away. How far must I run when enough becomes enough? When will I ever be far away enough?

I have issues. Do I change my job? Is there something else in the big unknown? Am I missing out by not moving? Can I really map out what I want, when I want? I’m stuck in a rut and I don’t fucking know how to get out of it.

People I know will just smack me on the head and tell me to wake up. Smell the roses. See the clear blue sky. Breathe in the fresh air. I have a great job that I love and a pretty decent paycheck. No attachments. I live a charmed life. Have I no idea what contentment is?

I’m starved for knowledge and I hate change. I was in the cab today and it drove past Cathay building. The utter horror. The monstrosity of the building. A concrete slab devoid of feelings. I nearly wept. Where was the peeling paint? The aged walls? The warmth and intimate closeness one feels from a piece of architecture that holds more than mere faded fragments of days gone past?

I’m losing my past, whether I like it or not. They’ve taken away my Plaza Singapura, my National Library, my Cathay building. Heck! They’ve even taken away my primary school. Am I still clinging onto the past because of my fear of the future? Is it inhibiting my ability to see beyond? Does everyone go through the same thing or am I just alone in this?

It drizzled for a short moment just now. Fleeting. And suddenly, the sun didn’t seem all that hot anymore. The scorching heat had retreated to a lazy afternoon warmth. Is life like that? Do the occasional rain spells cool it and make it more bearable? Must life be bearable? Or is it an angst that all must trudge through? I’ll let you know when I reach the end of the tunnel.

Truth is, I think I’ve barely stepped in.

you don't have to say much to mean much...

I know I haven’t been writing much lately. Correction. I haven’t been typing in cyberspace. As for writing, I’ve been doing lots of that. More precisely, scribbling. Adorning smudged illegible scraps of paper with reds, purples, greens and blues. Someone once said that the English Language is a never-ending wealth of knowledge. I beg to differ. Last week, I suddenly ran out of words. Literally and metaphorically. Nothing rolled off my tongue nor from my head. A big slate of white. Somehow, unfortunately, they all seemed to want to take a holiday at the same time. But yesterday, I realized that sometimes you don’t have to say a lot to mean a lot.

I ate an ice-cream with Ju yesterday. Sitting on my kitchen floor, I actually realized that I love the little boy. Not just as a fun lil’ plaything that is growing up really fast but I actually really love him. And on a subconscious level, I think I finally mean something to him as well.

I heard this once –
“You can’t change the family you’re born into but you sure can make one for yourself”

Life is indeed peculiar and I’m relishing every moment of it.

what if...

I suddenly miss my growing years terribly. A kinda ache for the things that I should have done but didn’t get down to and now it’s all too late. The what-ifs in life that will resonate the rest of my life because there is no way I can turn back the clock. But then, if I didn’t miss those moments, I wouldn’t have the memories that are stuck in my head. A scenario of you can never have your cake and eat it.

a great day

It was a great day today. Three people told me that I’ve shed more pounds after my dengue episode. Simple stuff to make a girl’s day.

Diana held me hostage today. I had to agree to attend hip hop class and meet the nice butt instructor (she’s trying to marry me off, as with all the others) or be left high and dry without reinforcement rings. I caved. Don’t judge. At that point of time, I had to agree. Desperate times called for desperate measures ’kay. Now I just have to figure out a way to get myself out of that little white lie.

The secret seven is so weird. They’re either trying to marry me off or get Fang pregnant.

mad over mandarin

All the Chinese teachers that have ever taught me before would most probably be hyperventilating if they ever read just the entry title. Perhaps some might even take it as a cruel joke. Me, mad over mandarin. Even my other teachers long dead and forgotten would turn in their graves. I’m every Chinese teacher’s nightmare. The child that simply cannot cope with the language. My pronunciation is deplorable and my writing, just don’t even go there. But I can hold a decent conversation. So much so that I took home a merit for my O-Levels Chinese Oral Examination. I’m guessing the examiners thought it pretty funny just to hear me speak that they decided to reward me for the free entertainment in their otherwise boring job.

But then I digress. Frankly speaking, not withstanding the jibes, I actually dig the language. Ok. So I dig the songs and the people that sing them. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m a teeny-bopper. I actually like the multiple teensy boybands that have sprung up over the past decade or so. Now, now, don’t roll those eyeballs lest you can’t get them back in sync again. Whatever is so horrendous about that? *sheesh* Cute boys singing cute songs. You can’t get any better than that can you? Now that is what I call entertainment.

playing with words

I’m bored. Terribly bored. But at least this year, I’m not lying emancipated in my uncle’s house, listening to relatives play mahjong, subjected to Barney the Purple Horror’s umpteen rendition of listen-and-follow-along songs and force feeding myself on my grandaunt’s deplorable cooking. Ok. Ok. It isn’t all that bad. But it’s just that 25 years of voluntary subjected torture is just about all that I can handle. So that’s why when my mum suggested not visiting this year, I seconded, third, millionth the idea. And that leads me here. Trying my hand at a couple of new words I’ve been learning lately.

This is an excess usage of sesquipedalian words. However, it nary bothers me, the capricious person that I am. People might find me pugnacious. I might even become incommunicado. Who cares? I see it as my predilection for revolt.

K I’m REALLY bored nuts. The girls are coming over tomorrow. I’d better shove all my stuff out of sight.

mary martha

It’s been a pseudo week and I’ve mugging through.

Was at a wedding yesterday. A good friend’s. And I met a lot of people. People that saw me through my growing years. And suddenly I realized that that we’ve changed. There are more strands of white hair. More wrinkles and laugh lines. We’ve all grown older. And with another year full of hours and days comes another year of worries, problems, targets and goals. When will this vicious cycle ever end? When we decide to let go of our tenacious grip of our perceived and presumed reality and let what was designed to be run its course. Only then will we finally get to savour the days of our life to its fullest potential. The way it was originally created to be. In today’s society, there are more Marthas then Marys.

I want to be a Mary Martha.

Is it an impossible? Not with my God.

falling

I fell today. the one million and one time I suppose. Split my sandal *yippee* Didn’t bump my tail bone *phew* and lost all remaining shreds of my dignity *what’s new* Just realized that I’m forever falling. Be it literally or metaphorically. And more often than not, I end up flat on my face. Reality is the pain never ever goes away; neither does it dull with time, no matter how many times you fall. And there is never ever anyone there to hold you when you do.

Lift me up – when I’m falling
Lift me up – when I’m weak and I’m dying
Lift me up – I need you to hold me
Lift me up – keep me from dying again
Jars of Clay

time

Time is such a fleeting transient unfathomable thing. It’s so precious and so is the value of our lives. Life is so short and there are a million and one things that needs to be done. I want to do so much and see even more. Many people complain of the lack of time in each and every day. 24 hours is so little time. There should be more hours! And yet, I marvel at the wondrous wisdom of my Almighty God for only placing 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year. Only with scarcity will we start to appreciate and savor. I have learnt to be content with my lot. If I can’t finish things today, I’ll do it tomorrow. Not because there will be more time tomorrow or even a tomorrow for me but because I have done my best for today and it’s time to rest for the day.

Do not worry for tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for itself.

before it ends

places I'd want to go before it ends.

• japan
• russia
• india
• hong kong (august 2007)
• vietnam
• cambodia (june 2006)
• bhutan
• mexico
• egypt
• africa
• portugal
• scotland
• ireland

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less travelled by. And that has made all the difference." Robert Frost

getting listed

I’ve gone public! For a moment, nearly typed pubic instead. That’s what happens when one gets so dependant on spell check. Tis a crying shame tho. With real people who matter reading this nondescript space, I can’t blabber about them all too much. Then again, who really cares eh? They choose to read what I’ve chosen to write. Let them deal with it.

"Always a side dish. Never a main dish"
Nazrana Zainuddin

a hard nut to crack

I suppose I’m quite a hard nut when it comes to the heart but there are still things in the world that have the power to melt my heart and make my insides go all soft and mush

• drop dead gorgeous guys
• when a guy tears
• a guy on his knees
• a guy in a well-cut suit
• when a child cries
• when ju calls me
• heart wrenching scenes from a movie or song lyrics
• wholesome family scenes
  

My parents just fought again. It’s been so long that I’ve long lost count. Just wonder how long I can hold out until something snaps within. Time will tell.

black

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

*and i thought my colour this year was plum and red. a great excuse to go get a new wardrobe*

my final say

Today, my pastor talked a whole lot but I only remembered that he talked about being remembered and what his eulogy was going to be. And it was a really really long. I actually thought about what he said. The conclusion? For me, I’d just have three simple words on my epitaph - Home At Last. What can I say? I’m a person of few words.

the potter boy

Do the Harry Potter books by Joanne K. Rowling promote witchcraft?

The question is important. No one can deny that Harry Potter has taken the world by storm. Children are reading again. British author J.K. Rowling has captured the imagination of millions ith gripping, well written stories about a childhood hero who engages the forces of evil with his own magical powers.

Many parents are concerned especially because of the Bible's strong condemnation of witchcraft, sorcery, and magical arts (Jeremiah 27:9; Revelation 21:8,15). Many wonder whether Harry Potter, innocent as he seems, might contribute to an acceptance of more dangerous kinds of sorcery lurking in the shadows of postmodern culture. An answer to this concern needs to be balanced between the warnings of Scripture and the legitimate use of creative imagination in fiction.

Witchcraft approaches the supernatural as a means of providing a substitute for dependence upon the one true God. The pursuit of witchcraft therefore involves a moral decision to turn away from and against God – something that seems contrary to the main thrust of the Potter series.

Like most of the things in our popular culture, the Harry Potter books contain potentially dangerous elements. But their popularity is at least partially attributable to the fact that there are many things about them that are good. Further, their popularity means that they are part of our cultural environment – whether we like it or not.

In a secularized world, believers should pick their battles carefully. In most cases, it would probably be better for Christians to be familiar with the Potter series, understanding its strengths and weaknesses, than to think they can keep their children – or others – from reading it or being interested in it. If we are familiar with these books, we can help the children we influence see their possible dangers, and use them as a means to lead unbelievers towards a Christian worldview.

With that precaution in mind, it is important to realize that the magic described in the Harry Potter books is not real. This is apparent to any adult or child who reads them. Broomsticks really don't fly, and wands and spells with magical powers don't exist. The fact that they do in this engaging fantasy is no more likely to make a child or adult reader believe in real magic than reading about Peter Pan would generate belief in magical pixie dust. Children who read about Aladdin and his magic lamp don't usually end up believing in genies. Neither do Grimm's fairy tales generally make kids believe that princes can really be transformed into frogs, that trolls lurk under bridges, or that cannibalistic witches live in marzipan houses in dark forests.

The magical world author J.K. Rowling constructs isn't dependent on gods, demons, or other occult powers. The fantasy world Harry has entered is one of magical "science," resembling the world our ancestors might have thought possible before alchemy, astrology, and other medieval "sciences" turned out to be scientific dead ends. 1 It brings the reader back to the mindset of a less sophisticated time when technology and magic were not clearly separated. It uses folk beliefs and legends to entertain us and engage our imaginations, but it never suggests that Harry's world is real or accessible.

Although clearly fantasy, the adventures of Harry Potter do put sorcerers and witches in a positive light. These positive portrayals could possibly encourage a belief that there are some forms of real-world sorcery that are OK. This is why we need to use these books as an opportunity to educate children about the difference between fantasy and occultism.

The supernatural in Harry's world doesn't seem designed to mislead the unwary into witchcraft and the occult, but to awaken readers to the non-material and spiritual aspects of their own lives. As in real life, in Harry's world things often aren't as they appear to be. The seemingly harmless sometimes conceals something deadly, and apparent coincidences may turn out to be important events that are part of a significant turn in life's journey. Harry's world makes the reader vividly aware of an underlying cosmic struggle between good and evil. These books have depth, and that is part of the reason so many readers find them delightful and emotionally gripping.

When fully perceived, real life has supernatural dimensions that make any fantasy world superficial. Life is stranger than fiction. Good fantasy makes us aware of those supernatural dimensions. Bad fantasy either deludes us (if we willfully use it as a means of circumventing a reality we can't face) or bores us.

As with all good secular literature, Christian readers are responsible to mind its content using tools forged by their own Christian worldview. When we read secular literature, we should keep in mind Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 2:14-15:

The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment.

The real world is marked by sin and the curse, but the Scriptures call us, in the pattern set by our Lord Jesus Christ, to use the opportunities that the world offers us to witness to the truth. Certainly, good secular writers challenge Christian thinking and require us to grapple with issues we may not have otherwise understood. Faith in Christ, however, is based on a God who is the author and source of all truth and beauty. Christians are in a position to evaluate and learn from secular artists – like J.K Rowling – without paranoia or fear.

Dan Vander Lugt

(Radio Bible Class Ministry – the guys who do the Daily Bread devotionals)

speaking in codes

Is it more entertaining to watch Batman speak French or Spanish? Well according to Is, my good buddy and resident mitch, it’s suppose to be better to get a DVD from the source of origin. Yeah right, Is. Naz and I still think as Asians, hearing Batman spout his flowery lines in Tagalog, brings the man closer to home. *ohmigosh* Just realized I’ve fulfilled Is’ and Naz’s greatest nightmare. I’m finally bitching about them on cyberspace. In an obscure corner of the vast wonderment of bits and bytes. And guess who started it all eh? The dear boy who couldn’t settle for anything less than Code 1 and we spent so much time in HMV that us girls made friends with a really nice employee there. Men. And they think we spend too much time and money shopping. Dump them in an electronic playground like HMV or the Sony Ericsson store and watch them go gaga. Their eyes widen in amazement and suddenly, their normally rational mind goes blank with the plethora of choices as they pace up and down the huge store. Highly entertaining I must say. Just make sure there’s great music playing and a comfy sofa somewhere out of their way. And all this for Code 1. I’ll do Code 9 anytime.

treading the unknown

Here I am, coughing like crazy and absolutely refusing to take any form of medication. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m constantly treading on the path of self-destruction on purpose and where the hell is it finally going to lead to. I have a secret. I’m afraid of death. Seriously. Despite all the grand talk of not fearing death, there is still the wee bit fear of the dark unknown. Will it hurt? Will it be fast? Will I see flashes of light? Will there be someone at the end of the tunnel? Will someone be there to walk me home? Sometimes I wonder. At all the weirdest places too. Today i sat on the kitchen floor and ‘2 years’ just came to mind. 2 years to what I questioned. In 2 years, will my bargain be fulfilled? In 2 years, will I go home? Do I only have 2 years? What am I to fulfill in these 2 years? 2 years. Why 2 years? What 2 years? My mind raced as I scrambled to find answers but nothing came forth. 2 years. That seems like eternity and yet just a fleeting passing moment. A lot of things can happen. Why sit back and wait for it to unfold? Get down and do something. Anything. For now, I’ll just sleep. After tonight, it’ll be 1 year and 364 days.

loss & gain

Why is it that even though I seemed to have gained, I feel that I’ve lost much more? Am I doing a wrong exchange?

benjamin

I thought of you today. Many things crossed my mind. Your smile. Your infectious brand of humor. Your silly grin. Your zest for life. Your non-stop chatter. Your quiet air of gentlemanliness. Your simple gestures. Your willingness to share a portion of your life with me. And then I wonder where you are right now. Whether you’re married. Whether you’ve fulfilled your dreams. Whether you can dance to a tune. Whether your drumming skills have taken a step forward. Whether you’re still somewhere here in sunny Singapore or somewhere out there in another part of the world. The last time you were in Hong Kong. Are you still there? After so many years I suddenly thought of you. Bittersweet memories. I don’t think I’d ever get to say sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t laugh at your jokes everytime. I’m sorry I kept getting you in trouble with our drum instructor. I’m sorry I distracted you during practice that you’d miss your beat. I’m sorry I made you give up your jacket because I got all cold in the studio. But most of all, I’m sorry I left without saying good bye. I’m sorry that I stopped classes without telling you or even giving you a hint that I was going away. I’m sorry I disappeared one quiet day. I didn’t know any better. Now I know how it hurts. Now I know the bewilderment you might have felt. I’m sorry. There isn’t a day when I’ve wondered what might have been if I had stayed. Whatever it is, I hope you’re fine and living a great life. God bless you, Benjamin. There will always be a special place for you in my heart.

why i write

I write so I’d stop hearing these words vocalized in my mind because sooner or later, someone is bound to hear me muttering to myself and deem me fit for the loony bin. One of the rare pre-emptive measures in life, mine in particular.

worry

I worry. Who doesn’t? I worry that my liver will never be normal again. I worry that my eyesight is failing me. That some nerve somewhere is irreplaceably damaged and I haven’t discovered it yet. I worry that one day I’ll go completely deaf. I worry whenever I get itchy bites. Was it by a mosquito? More specifically, an Aedes mosquito? Will I get dengue again and start all that needle poking all over again? I worry. Who doesn’t? But then, night falls and my head throbs and I start to see floaters. That definitely isn’t a good sign. So then I stop worrying and creep back to bed because only then, in la la land, do I break free from all worries and sleep them all away until I’m ready to fight them all over again the next day. Nite. Sleep tight.

my letter to ping

Re: Hey how are you?

dear all,

i'm much better now. ping, sorry you had to worry. no internet in sgh ward lah! is, didn't you say you'd let ping know? did i just sabo you? *grinz*

anyways, my hospital leave ended on 28/10. had to go for outpatient checkup aka take more vials of blood. at the rate i'm going, i can be a regular blood donor!

well, tests were to test my blood platelet count and liver enzymes coz previously results showed platelets too low and liver ones too high. bad part was the doc couldn't find a proper vein since they've all been pretty bruised (i've got some pretty bad blue blacks to show) by my 5 days of blood donation & i do have rather small & inconspicuous veins so taking blood is even harder. therefore, he had to poke me TWICE to get blood. test results: platelets are fine. liver enzymes not normalized aka back to normal level so i've to go donate blood AGAIN one month later.

good part? i didn't get hysterics and faint. tho i did get kinda giddy and pale.

current situation:

think my brain's kinda rusted and rotted. thought processes are really really slow. my mum's trying to feed me everything possible (no seafood, no alcohol, no red meat, no spicy stuff) since i've lost my appetite as well. nothing appeals and it's so strange since i live in food paradise singapore. i get tired really easily now which so sucks. so now i'm going really slow with things like sleeping early and most prob leaving sch before my usual 6pm and not working myself into 12 hr days. thank goodness exams are all over but now i've gotta get their report bks ready and my first day back and i've got a meeting to attend. my mum thinks i'm not ready to face huge crowds for prolonged periods (she's kinda right tho i'm so not admitting it to her plus i don't want her to worry so much since she had a pretty bad scare over me) so guys, i'm really really sorry i couldn't break fast at geylang this year AGAIN! i keep trying but it always doesn't work out. nxt year's goal = break fast at geylang.

well, naz i'll call you once i've settled with sch on mon. i'm trying to get well asap since is asked for such an easy present this yr:) and is, I GOT MY OWN ENTRY!!! thxs. but did you have to use that hungry hungry hippo pix? *sheesh* could have got a more glam one... then again, i don't think i have a glam pix do i?

ping, i'll update you once in a while k. fret not, you won't be left out. promise.

alrightz, system shut down

still surviving, liz:)

my brush with death

My brush with death. Sounds pretty creepy doesn’t it. But honest to goodness, I suppose that’s what happened last week. I was on the brink of life and then I was given life. Again. It’s pretty amazing when you get things you don’t expect to get. I really didn’t expect to get dengue fever. Yah yah… it happened to you, and to you as well? But don’t worry, it’d never ever happen to me. Think again my friend. It happened to me. 5 straight days of fever. The kind that just makes your brains all jellified and you shiver constantly from a raging temperature that refuses to go down. Your limbs are all weak and they feel funny and there’s this constant buzzing in your head. Just like there’s a mosquito in there that’s trying desperately to get out but it can’t so it just buzzes around, over and over again, until it drives you almost completely insane. So that was how it was. Bad. In fact, let’s make it terrible.

I’ve not idea why I want to write about it. No one in their right sense of mind would but I suppose I’m doing this as a form of catharsis. To get it out of my system. Or perhaps I’m just typing out my testimony for everyone out there to read someday somewhere somehow. Strange. I’ve finally turned into a full-fledged exhibitionist and I’m using one of my most terrifying experience to become one. Wonder whether I’m turning psycho or isit when you’ve experienced something strange and wonderful all at the same time, you just want to yell out loud to the people around you? I can’t begin to even fathom the complexity of the human mind or the human psyche. Like I said previously, life is strange. You never expect to get things and then you do get them. Strange but wonderful. Like a bittersweet taste left in your mouth after you savour a piece of authentic dark chocolate. The kind that melts in your mouth and leaves a lingering aftertaste. Even Forrest Gump said, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’d get.”

a personality test

Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality

A natural leader, one who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones.

They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure.

They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

*bottomline: you're crazy, implusive and a complete klutz*

a lost one

suppose i've been mighty grouchy lately
no... no... it's not that time of the month
in fact, i'm hardly ever PMS 'cept i tend to eat a fair amount of chocolate then

anyways, like i said, i've been pretty grouchy lately
had this thought floating ard in my mind
had to put it down. to reach some form of catharsis i suppose

i don't appreciate pple walking out of my life.
i don't like hi & bye friends
pples, i've counted on to be there till the end of time
and suddenly, because of the lamest of all lame excuse of 'busy at work', they suddenly vanish *poof*
not a call, an sms or even an email. and when they finally are contactable of deign to let you into their whirlwind of aww... working life, the best they can come up with after that long absence is 'sorry, i've been busy' crap

k like i don't know how it feels to be busy. to be overwhelmed with work. literally submerged and gasping for breath kinda workload. come on, i work for the government. the one employer in singapore that squeezes every living bit of life out of you. point is, there's no such thing as i don't have time for you.

there's no such thing as i'm too busy to meet up with you. don't you need to eat sometime? feed that growling tummy of yours? or rest? i'm busy but i do remember my friends. the occasional sms to let the other people in your life know you still exist on the face of the earth would be rather helpful sometimes.

for a while, i thought you got kidnapped by aliens. even your best pal couldn't even locate you. had to ask me to ask about your current living status. and when you finally decided to acknowledge the people who have been through thick and thin with you, all you did was a 'sorry i haven't been ard and i don't think i'll be ard anytime soon since i'm currently so busy with work."

i'm glad i did that sms on you. not because i wanted to be mean but i wanted you to know how bewildered you made us feel and upset as well. and thank you for letting us know how dispensable we really are. honestly. thank you.

well all said and done. i'm too tired to ramble on.

so if i get hate mail i know i did the stupid thing and posted this online for the world to read. and for that, i really ought to kick myself in the arse.

nitez world. my life still goes on... only diff?

my phonebook just shrunk by one entry.

my gain his loss.

randomness

don't know whether there's such a thing as randomness but i've been thinking quite a fair bit lately *ouch* my head's been hurting from all the activity. suppose it's because i think my life's at the crossroads. well... was something that was already in the works so i suppose standing here sooner is better than later right?!

need some time to sort out myself... laterz...

steps to happiness

You can't be all things to all people.

You can't do all things at once.

You can't do all things equally well.

You can't do all things better than everyone else.

Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.


So:

You have to find out who you are, and be that.

You have to decide what comes first, and do that.

You have to discover your strengths, and use them.

You have to learn not to compete with others,

Because no one else is in the contest of being you.


Then:

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.

You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.

You will have learned to live with your limitations.

You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.

And you'll be just you.

Dedication

*this is for my stinky smelly brother who is perpetually stuck to his computer and refuses to get out of his pig sty of a room to get a decent shower*

THE Cow

My brother the cow
Who smells oh so foul
He's acts like a child
And is pretty dull
I bet he only knows that now

If he sits any longer on the chair
He's bound to get piles
Not that when it happens
I won't be all smiles

Something Comforting...

And I will be there in the end to give you comfort and to see you safely home where you'll sit beside me in all the glory of heaven

*such reassurance that our dying kids have in the knowledge that He holds their hand till the end of time*

I would rather live my life as if there is a God
And die to find out there isn't
Than live my life as if there isn't
And die to find out there is

Something I Wrote...

the words just came in church one day...
*an apt description of my life right now*

Confused

I've gone blind
And I've lost my way
As I stand at the crossroads
Unable to move myself

Suddenly the road before me
Goes all bleak
And everywhere else seems
All so much fun

And I stand confused
Where do I tread?
Am I to go forward
Or stay rooted to the spot?
Somehow going back
Doesn't seem an option at all

I've gone blind
And I've lost my way
At the crossroads of life
I stand confused

Something Special...

an answer to my question...
http://www2.caringbridge.org/ga/chance/

A Child On Loan

I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief
You’ll always have his memories as a solace in your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love and not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may
And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.
But should the angels call him much sooner than we’d planned
We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.”

Anonymous

Something Blue...

what is wrong with the world these days?
children suffering...
children dying...
children going missing...

*tis is so depressing*

why does God allow so much pain to happen on such innocents?

know i understand why pregnant mums always say
"it doesn't matter boy or girl. healthy is enough."