playing with words

I’m bored. Terribly bored. But at least this year, I’m not lying emancipated in my uncle’s house, listening to relatives play mahjong, subjected to Barney the Purple Horror’s umpteen rendition of listen-and-follow-along songs and force feeding myself on my grandaunt’s deplorable cooking. Ok. Ok. It isn’t all that bad. But it’s just that 25 years of voluntary subjected torture is just about all that I can handle. So that’s why when my mum suggested not visiting this year, I seconded, third, millionth the idea. And that leads me here. Trying my hand at a couple of new words I’ve been learning lately.

This is an excess usage of sesquipedalian words. However, it nary bothers me, the capricious person that I am. People might find me pugnacious. I might even become incommunicado. Who cares? I see it as my predilection for revolt.

K I’m REALLY bored nuts. The girls are coming over tomorrow. I’d better shove all my stuff out of sight.

mary martha

It’s been a pseudo week and I’ve mugging through.

Was at a wedding yesterday. A good friend’s. And I met a lot of people. People that saw me through my growing years. And suddenly I realized that that we’ve changed. There are more strands of white hair. More wrinkles and laugh lines. We’ve all grown older. And with another year full of hours and days comes another year of worries, problems, targets and goals. When will this vicious cycle ever end? When we decide to let go of our tenacious grip of our perceived and presumed reality and let what was designed to be run its course. Only then will we finally get to savour the days of our life to its fullest potential. The way it was originally created to be. In today’s society, there are more Marthas then Marys.

I want to be a Mary Martha.

Is it an impossible? Not with my God.

falling

I fell today. the one million and one time I suppose. Split my sandal *yippee* Didn’t bump my tail bone *phew* and lost all remaining shreds of my dignity *what’s new* Just realized that I’m forever falling. Be it literally or metaphorically. And more often than not, I end up flat on my face. Reality is the pain never ever goes away; neither does it dull with time, no matter how many times you fall. And there is never ever anyone there to hold you when you do.

Lift me up – when I’m falling
Lift me up – when I’m weak and I’m dying
Lift me up – I need you to hold me
Lift me up – keep me from dying again
Jars of Clay

time

Time is such a fleeting transient unfathomable thing. It’s so precious and so is the value of our lives. Life is so short and there are a million and one things that needs to be done. I want to do so much and see even more. Many people complain of the lack of time in each and every day. 24 hours is so little time. There should be more hours! And yet, I marvel at the wondrous wisdom of my Almighty God for only placing 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year. Only with scarcity will we start to appreciate and savor. I have learnt to be content with my lot. If I can’t finish things today, I’ll do it tomorrow. Not because there will be more time tomorrow or even a tomorrow for me but because I have done my best for today and it’s time to rest for the day.

Do not worry for tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for itself.

before it ends

places I'd want to go before it ends.

• japan
• russia
• india
• hong kong (august 2007)
• vietnam
• cambodia (june 2006)
• bhutan
• mexico
• egypt
• africa
• portugal
• scotland
• ireland

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less travelled by. And that has made all the difference." Robert Frost

getting listed

I’ve gone public! For a moment, nearly typed pubic instead. That’s what happens when one gets so dependant on spell check. Tis a crying shame tho. With real people who matter reading this nondescript space, I can’t blabber about them all too much. Then again, who really cares eh? They choose to read what I’ve chosen to write. Let them deal with it.

"Always a side dish. Never a main dish"
Nazrana Zainuddin

a hard nut to crack

I suppose I’m quite a hard nut when it comes to the heart but there are still things in the world that have the power to melt my heart and make my insides go all soft and mush

• drop dead gorgeous guys
• when a guy tears
• a guy on his knees
• a guy in a well-cut suit
• when a child cries
• when ju calls me
• heart wrenching scenes from a movie or song lyrics
• wholesome family scenes
  

My parents just fought again. It’s been so long that I’ve long lost count. Just wonder how long I can hold out until something snaps within. Time will tell.

black

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

*and i thought my colour this year was plum and red. a great excuse to go get a new wardrobe*

my final say

Today, my pastor talked a whole lot but I only remembered that he talked about being remembered and what his eulogy was going to be. And it was a really really long. I actually thought about what he said. The conclusion? For me, I’d just have three simple words on my epitaph - Home At Last. What can I say? I’m a person of few words.