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I got a really nice sms just now and it got me thinking
despite all the odds, the miles between us, the lack of hanging out time, the really varied interests, it really amazes me how we’ve managed to stay together for so long. many times we take things for granted. we assume that certain things are always meant to be. that nothing will change but as we look around us in this empty white space we term as the world, we cannot be acknowledge that time is slipping us by and that the world continues to spin its destined direction with or without us. and so, as we forge our own separate paths, by all rights, we should be treading a single line. but time and time again, we’ve managed to criss-cross. our life paths inextricably tangled together at various points. some may see it as a tiresome mess to extract themselves from. they may grumble, gripe or grouse. they may even throw tantrums. i’m just glad we met, we fellowshipped and decided to continue bumbling along together. it makes the journey all the more interesting with you around.

the joyride

lately i’ve been feeling more acutely that I’ve been taken more and more for granted. Just because I choose not to move from where I am doesn’t mean I haven’t been observing what has been going around me. must I always be the constant in everyone’s life? sometimes, just sometimes, I would like to do the opposite, be defiant and screw up just like everybody else. just because everyone else always screw up doesn’t mean that it’s ok to always forgive them and when I decide for the one rare blue moon time to step out of the pedestal that you’ve given me and try to paint the town red, I get chastised for it. Phrases like ‘you have changed’ and ‘I don’t expect this from you’ follow closely behind. The term unfair doesn’t even cut it. Understandably that I should be reprimanded for my misdemeanor but why am I being measured on a different yardstick from everyone else? why is the tolerance level for my misdeeds so much lower? I’m not perfect. I am only human. But why when you screw up nary an apology and I keep quiet for want of harmony and peace, I get it straight back in my face. The irony of it all. If this is what happens when one is responsible and dependable then I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m tired of being the one who will always be there and will not f*** up. I quit. screw it.

one voice one lifetime

I understand that each day I place a lot of stress on my vocals.
Without warming up, I place myself at risk of losing my voice.
I have only one voice for one lifetime.
The same is true of my students.

a new beginning of sorts

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins?
It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not even a new year.
It’s an event - big or small, something that changes us, ideally it gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, letting go of old habits, old memories.
What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning but it's also important to remember, amid all the crap, are a few things really worth holding on to.