sidelined

it’s quite a refreshing change to sit and listen for a change. Perhaps getting sidelined every once in a while isn’t such a bad idea either. It’s only when you take a step back do you realize that there are so many things you tend to miss out when you are so self-absorbed in front of the pack. The little gestures, the little smirks, the grins, the ever bubbling giggles bursting forth at each silly antics displayed. How could I have missed out on all that? Has being a leader really dulled my basic senses and instincts? By slowing down and refusing to get work done, doesn’t equate to sloth and defiance. It’s a conscious effort to start thinking about what’s really important in my life.

At the sidelines, you see the things that escape your fleeting scans. The quiet teachings of children teaching each other. Their refreshing honesty. Why is it every time I think of leaving, there’ll always be something that makes me stop to think about my decision. Is this God’s way of a gentle rebuke? Is he telling me that I’m already where he wants me to be but I’m the one who’s trying to get that whiff of “fresh” air. It’s been a rocky 3 years. There has been ups and downs, the highs and the lows. At times like this, I wonder whether I’ve been doing the teaching or vice versa. There have been so many humbling moments in my life, where they seem to know more and in their quiet obtrusive way and childlike faith, sometimes, the truth is also much clearer through their eyes, actions and thoughts. I have been humbled and brought to my knees by people half my size and a fraction of my age. The quiet humor of my Lord, I cannot help but smile.

And yet I see the silent questions in their eyes and on their lips. Their steely unwavering gaze of their eyes and the lines of determination creased on their foreheads.