another harebrained scheme

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In under 150 words, tell us why you should be a TJ in the next season of 5 Takes

To say that I have a passion for travel is simply putting it really mildly. I have spent every spare time possible traveling around Asia. There have been trips to eastern China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Cambodia and parts of Thailand and Vietnam. Being of mixed heritage with Chinese and Indian parents, I am also effectively bilingual (Mandarin and English).

There are many other reasons why I should be a TJ in the next season of 5 Takes. Some of them include being tech-savvy, having a flair for writing and a background training in mass communications. Then, there are the personality traits like being sociable, resourceful and adventurous.

But more importantly, being a travel journalist requires one to be the eyes and legs of the community that lives and breathes through his/her every experience as if it is their very own. I believe I have what it takes to be that person.

*I did it! I actually signed up to be a travel journalist! One never ceases to be amazed by the number of harebrained schemes I manage to come up with. And now, I wait*

a little patience goes a long way

There are many who actually read these mishmash ramblings of mine. And then there are many more who have lamented, either publicly or in private, the pseudo demise of the lack of refreshing new words to read.

For the record, I like to write but the laziness in me hinders the timely updates on cyberspace. So grit and bear with it. Every once in a while, your patience will be rewarded by an onslaught and when that happens, don’t grouse. Haven’t you heard that creative people tend to border on psychotic and temperamental?

complication

Haven’t you realised that we tend to complicate things as we grow older. Seems like there are more gray areas than there are of black and white. When did the simple life get so convoluted?

sidelined

it’s quite a refreshing change to sit and listen for a change. Perhaps getting sidelined every once in a while isn’t such a bad idea either. It’s only when you take a step back do you realize that there are so many things you tend to miss out when you are so self-absorbed in front of the pack. The little gestures, the little smirks, the grins, the ever bubbling giggles bursting forth at each silly antics displayed. How could I have missed out on all that? Has being a leader really dulled my basic senses and instincts? By slowing down and refusing to get work done, doesn’t equate to sloth and defiance. It’s a conscious effort to start thinking about what’s really important in my life.

At the sidelines, you see the things that escape your fleeting scans. The quiet teachings of children teaching each other. Their refreshing honesty. Why is it every time I think of leaving, there’ll always be something that makes me stop to think about my decision. Is this God’s way of a gentle rebuke? Is he telling me that I’m already where he wants me to be but I’m the one who’s trying to get that whiff of “fresh” air. It’s been a rocky 3 years. There has been ups and downs, the highs and the lows. At times like this, I wonder whether I’ve been doing the teaching or vice versa. There have been so many humbling moments in my life, where they seem to know more and in their quiet obtrusive way and childlike faith, sometimes, the truth is also much clearer through their eyes, actions and thoughts. I have been humbled and brought to my knees by people half my size and a fraction of my age. The quiet humor of my Lord, I cannot help but smile.

And yet I see the silent questions in their eyes and on their lips. Their steely unwavering gaze of their eyes and the lines of determination creased on their foreheads.

getting tired

Sometimes, I find it’s much easier to just find someone and get married, “buy” a place (yeah right. 99 year lease), have kids, grow older (hopefully with the same guy) and then go home to meet my maker aka die.

And then again, the stubborn feminist streak in me is stirred up to debunk those seemingly weak-willed dependency thoughts and chastise me for such inclinations since I’ve been brought up to think for myself and not rely on others.

But there are times when being on the top is really lonely business ’coz there seems to be no space at all for anyone else.

It’s been so peaceful lately. Just like the calm before a storm. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out to be the eye of the storm instead.

arrival

You know you’ve arrived when you are able to fully comprehend and understand the intricacies of being pregnant and start spending more time poring over Thomas the train catalogue and the toy section in department stores than stuff of your own.

s.h.a.o.w.e.i

I honestly have no idea what’s so great about him. Well, he’s really tall. Has a great smile and oh, those to-die-for dimples... yeah, tell me about it. I’m a HUGE sucker for dimples. But then, he talks way too much. Rubbish in fact. And please don’t start me on his silly antics. But I’m still drawn to him. Is it because one’s eyesight really does deteriorate as one ages? Tis a frightening thought. Or maybe coz I’ve always felt sorry for the underdog. Perhaps when I’m actually free, I should do a rundown of the cute guys I’ve ever liked and see whether there’s some sort of running likeness traits. But for now, just live with my present crush yah?

Excerpt from a highly disgruntled fan:
“This is sickening. In MVP情人, Shao Wei isn't as good in ball skills. In 西街少年, he's the jailed one. In 格斗天王, he's beaten to a pulp. In 王子变青蛙, Ye Tianyu doesn’t want him and then he has to take care of a mental patient. In 愛情魔髮師, he gives all to Xiaobei but she likes Yasi. KNS.”

Psalm 23

*an adaptation for the workplace*

The Lord is my real boss, and I shall not want. He gives me peace, when chaos is all around me. He gently reminds me to pray and do all things without murmuring and complaining.

He reminds me that he is my source and not my job. He restores my sanity everyday and guides my decisions that I might honor him in all that I do.

Even though I face absurd amounts of e-mails, system crashes, unrealistic deadlines, budget cutbacks, gossiping co-workers, discriminating supervisors and an aging body that doesn't cooperate every morning, I still will not stop for He is with me. His presence, His peace, and His power will see me through.

He raises me up, even when they fail to promote me. He claims me as His own, even when the company threatens to let me go. His Faithfulness and love is better than any bonus check.

His retirement plan beats every CPF there is. When it's all said and done, I'll be working for Him a whole lot longer and for that,

I WILL BLESS HIS NAME!

dinner@onefullerton

It’s been a nice long dinner. Scottish layout, English dining style. Albeit a tad boring initially though. But it’s a refreshing change from the normal noisy overfeeding Chinese dinners one is so used to. However, I’m kind of languishing from the obvious lack of robust human communication. But I’ve got to admit that the food is really awesome. Tandoori cod fillet. *droolz* Now that is what I call a piece of delectable edible art.

beyond the surface

In this day and age, when everything seems to be falling apart, it’s amazing that one’s value system still has the ability and capacity to stand its own and not have fallen apart or has it? Really. Is it just a facade which portrays an image that one wants to see but in reality, the rot and dampness has already gotten to the core and heart of the system. Hence, the pseudo image that one conjures so as to pacify one’s inner self and peace of mind.

stargazing

9:35 AM
It’s so darn exhilarating. I’m going for my first ever singing/meet-the-popstars session. So I’m not doing any overnight queue thingy but it’s so exciting anyway. The droolable guys. The screaming fans. The sweaty bodies mashed together in a hot, temperature-rising place. Then again, maybe not. So today, I’m a tad espionage.

12:50 AM
It’s quite fun really. Stuck under a pretty red umbrella, sitting equally pretty. The bum hurts terribly though. Hope I didn’t overstress my tailbone. It’s almost one and the sun’s getting merciless. Time really flies when you’re doing no-brainer stuff like this. To think I used to diss such stuff. Have a nagging feeling those chaps are going to be late. *sigh*

fishy business

*a tribute to monsieur yellow tang fish*

dearly beloved,
we are gathered together to remember the short dismal lives of mr yellow tang fish. no, not just mere fish were they. they were friends, soul mates, comrades-in-arms. in short, brothers in very sense of the word. at $35 apiece, it was way expensive kinship I must say. but then, who are we to comment on the minute value placed on the greater love felt? today, we celebrate the short-lived journey and sudden passing of the ill-fated mr yellow tang fish and to condemn the lousy third-rate fish shop that they were procured from. they will be sorely missed, heart and pocket. may they contribute richly to the plant eco-system.

mayday mayhem

It took me 4 hrs to get settled and start work proper. Mind you. I was home today and not at the workplace. And all I had planned to finish doing today was to clear my clothes. Fold, iron, the works. Ya, clothes. Just pieces of colourful cloth. Not to imagine expensive. I used to think the best solution to one’s dwindling clothes situation was to get new ones. That was, until today.

I’m now saddled with a HUGE mountain to clear. Whatever was I thinking? Another hair-brained idea gone awry. Me thinks me so have to stop buying clothes… NAH. I almost succumbed to a weak moment of folly. Shopping will always be a woman’s prerogative. I’d say AMEN to that.

maybe baby

It seems, of late, the latest accessory to have is a baby. A must have apparently. Everyone’s getting one. From the who’s who in high pooh pooh society to the ordinary woman on the street. Anyone and everyone you meet these days either have one, is having one or trying to have one. And then what?

Erm… apparently, these things aren’t returnable. Neither do they come with a manual nor are they covered with a warranty of any sorts. And there definitely isn’t a money-back guarantee. And boy, do they cost an arm and a leg. And still, they’re flying off the shelves. One wonders why.

age acceleration

I’m feeling my age. Really. So quit laughing will ya. work. dinner party. choir. buying trip. rugby sevens. funeral wake. I’m totally completely whacked out. Even the adrenaline isn’t flowing.

Haven’t you gotten to a point when your age starts creeping up on you and pounces when you least expect it? There has to be a point when your body sends that all important signal that it’s time to slow down and quit pushing yourself too fast and too hard. So beneath the teeny-bopper clothes or lifestyle that we try so desperately hard to emulate, our body is growing older by the nano-second.

I’m thinking it only accelerates as the years go pass.

a life of firsts...

I’m getting into a terrible habit of writing on fast food tray liners. It’s MOS Burger Causeway Point today and they’ve got this lovely picture of their latest gratin créme burger. Too bad I’m not hungry right now.

Come to think of it, it’s my first time in this place. It’s been here for at least the last 2 years and I do believe I’ve never set foot in here. Why not? Why never?

And that got me thinking. Isn’t life full of firsts? The first time we fell in love. The first time we went to school. The first time we got our paycheck. Weren’t those great moments? Albeit all the tears and cheers?

When did we stop being happy and excited with new experiences? When did the dreariness of life start to dull our senses and bog us down? When did we stop feeling and seeing? When did it become almost suicidal to speak our mind?

Perhaps it’s easier when one compartmentalizes our thoughts, feelings and actions. The love goes here and then the happiness there and oh yeah, let’s squeeze in some grief in this little corner. There! All packed and stacked.

Has life been degraded to such a stage? I think mine has hit the rut and heading towards the downslide. Yours too?

trudging through angst

I sit here all prepared to write. My pen posed in mid-air and I don’t know how to start. The bane of a writer. But then again, I’m not a writer. Not yet.

It’s the perfect environment. I’ve got the Singapore River on my right, Shenton Way behind me, a cool breeze, a rattan chair, an umbrella to shade me from the scorching sun, a fruit tea and a slice of walnut brownie cheesecake and for a split second, I’m conned into believing there’s nothing wrong with my life.

So there is nothing wrong with my life. There’s something wrong with me. Every once in a while I evaluate myself. Fear. Is everyone afraid of being free? I panic wherever I have free time. Pockets of pure luxury and I hit the panic button frantically. For a brief moment, I hyperventilate as my mind races on about the multitude of things I’m not doing. I’m frightened that when my hands are idle, I think. Think of the very things that I try so hard to forget.

My mum says I’m angry. I think I’m perpetually angry. By working, I keep my anger away. Apparently. By being busy, I cease to have time to ponder on these issues. By staying on my feet, I run away. How far must I run when enough becomes enough? When will I ever be far away enough?

I have issues. Do I change my job? Is there something else in the big unknown? Am I missing out by not moving? Can I really map out what I want, when I want? I’m stuck in a rut and I don’t fucking know how to get out of it.

People I know will just smack me on the head and tell me to wake up. Smell the roses. See the clear blue sky. Breathe in the fresh air. I have a great job that I love and a pretty decent paycheck. No attachments. I live a charmed life. Have I no idea what contentment is?

I’m starved for knowledge and I hate change. I was in the cab today and it drove past Cathay building. The utter horror. The monstrosity of the building. A concrete slab devoid of feelings. I nearly wept. Where was the peeling paint? The aged walls? The warmth and intimate closeness one feels from a piece of architecture that holds more than mere faded fragments of days gone past?

I’m losing my past, whether I like it or not. They’ve taken away my Plaza Singapura, my National Library, my Cathay building. Heck! They’ve even taken away my primary school. Am I still clinging onto the past because of my fear of the future? Is it inhibiting my ability to see beyond? Does everyone go through the same thing or am I just alone in this?

It drizzled for a short moment just now. Fleeting. And suddenly, the sun didn’t seem all that hot anymore. The scorching heat had retreated to a lazy afternoon warmth. Is life like that? Do the occasional rain spells cool it and make it more bearable? Must life be bearable? Or is it an angst that all must trudge through? I’ll let you know when I reach the end of the tunnel.

Truth is, I think I’ve barely stepped in.

you don't have to say much to mean much...

I know I haven’t been writing much lately. Correction. I haven’t been typing in cyberspace. As for writing, I’ve been doing lots of that. More precisely, scribbling. Adorning smudged illegible scraps of paper with reds, purples, greens and blues. Someone once said that the English Language is a never-ending wealth of knowledge. I beg to differ. Last week, I suddenly ran out of words. Literally and metaphorically. Nothing rolled off my tongue nor from my head. A big slate of white. Somehow, unfortunately, they all seemed to want to take a holiday at the same time. But yesterday, I realized that sometimes you don’t have to say a lot to mean a lot.

I ate an ice-cream with Ju yesterday. Sitting on my kitchen floor, I actually realized that I love the little boy. Not just as a fun lil’ plaything that is growing up really fast but I actually really love him. And on a subconscious level, I think I finally mean something to him as well.

I heard this once –
“You can’t change the family you’re born into but you sure can make one for yourself”

Life is indeed peculiar and I’m relishing every moment of it.

what if...

I suddenly miss my growing years terribly. A kinda ache for the things that I should have done but didn’t get down to and now it’s all too late. The what-ifs in life that will resonate the rest of my life because there is no way I can turn back the clock. But then, if I didn’t miss those moments, I wouldn’t have the memories that are stuck in my head. A scenario of you can never have your cake and eat it.

a great day

It was a great day today. Three people told me that I’ve shed more pounds after my dengue episode. Simple stuff to make a girl’s day.

Diana held me hostage today. I had to agree to attend hip hop class and meet the nice butt instructor (she’s trying to marry me off, as with all the others) or be left high and dry without reinforcement rings. I caved. Don’t judge. At that point of time, I had to agree. Desperate times called for desperate measures ’kay. Now I just have to figure out a way to get myself out of that little white lie.

The secret seven is so weird. They’re either trying to marry me off or get Fang pregnant.