circles

"Lasting success in life is knowing your identity, purpose and destiny"
Rony Tan

*lately I’ve been going around in circles. the link’s inspiring thought really hit home. perhaps it’s time to seriously consider what I really do want and stop humming & hawing about it.*

another career option

today a good friend of mine said I sounded liked an airport announcer whenever I say the pledge. very professional. *phew* for a moment I thought I was screwing it up really bad and everyone was just being nice and sleepily enduring me early in the morning.
oh goody. another career option to be explored.

unruly emotions

my heart simply isn’t all that obedient lately. it has leapt at unforeseen circumstances, thumped incessantly and all that activity has influenced the brain to think of people that should have been long forgotten and stored in the dusty reaches of the long term memory section. sheesh. i must be having too much time on my hands.

34 days of freedom

i’ve watched loads of movies, braved the rain, gone shopping, seen the dermatologist, baked & decorated cupcakes, gone for courses, embraced domestication, had dinner with old pals, explored the singapore science centre, mapped out a curriculum outline, closed 3 department accounts, got a new credit card, completed a jigsaw puzzle, listened to the radio, read a dozen books, taken the mrt, gone for a massage, cut & coloured my hair, backed-up my hard drive, cooked, dutifully read the Straits Times while having breakfast, cleared my mess of a table, tidied my overflowing bookcase, went to a birthday party, reshuffled my audio-visual collection, hopped into one too many taxis, threw out tons of rubbish, folded & ironed my avalanche of clothes, bonded with my scv cable modem & digital set-top box, weeded out unwanted & unused stuff, completed a couple of korean drama serials, ‘babysitted’ the god-kids, attended an engagement, washed the dishes, watched crazy christmas twice, visited ONE LIFE exhibition, sang my lungs out during a really expensive karaoke session, slept in, eaten late, partied & hung out till early morning, shopped at mustaffa, made Christmas & thank you presents, applied for study leave, suffered through nightmares for a week, visited the singapore zoological gardens, bought things online, organized the ssg eoy gathering, filled up my beanbag, survived a flu attack, pigged out and grown fatter.

well nothing lasts forever. time to put my nose back to the grindstone.

broken dreams

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God because He was my Friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, “How can You be so slow?”
“My child,” He said, “What could I do? You never did let go.”

proud mama

by all rights, I know I should be sick in my stomach kinda of jealous and going all googly-eyed green but truth be told, I’m just so puffed up proud for her that I really, honestly, wanna cry. I’m just so deliriously glad she’s doing what she’s really happy and good at doing and as for me, strangely despite all my gripes, I still love what I’m doing. I may not be wearing high fashion or earning oodles of money but I love my job, stress and all so please don’t ask me to trade it all in except for one that features loads of big outdoors and villages.

come home

i simply love the song. enuff said.

what God won’t ask on that day

God won't ask what kind of car you drove.
He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

God won't ask the square footage of your house.
He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet.
He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

God won't ask what your highest salary was.
He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

God won't ask what your job title was.
He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of our ability.

God won't ask how many friends you had.
He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived.
He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin.
He'll ask about the content of your character.

God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation.
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

love is blind

Sometimes the complexity of life doesn't really hit till it does. Right there in the gut. I try not to discriminate even though it's pretty tough not to. Personal experiences haven't made it any better. Strange though, since I'm really a typical colour mixture portfolio. What tickled my funny bone and warmed my heart was when someone made pretty scathing remarks but excluded me from the main targets of aim, despite belonging to the same colour mix. Love is blind, in more ways than one. I am loved despite my colour.

the challenge

the money went in today. now it’s just wait and see.

unable vs unwilling

Today a pipsqueak half my age nagged at me to heed the nation’s call to procreate and aid the dwindling global population. She isn’t the first; neither will she be the last. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m genuinely unable to shackle another person for life or am I unconsciously resisting the notion and just plain running away. Somehow the process seems all so much more fun.

wise words

“We cannot talk to men effectively about God until we have spoken to Him about man.”

Lighter’s Link, September 16, 2007

living in genting minus the slot machines

my brother came home declaring a haze alert. apparently the neighbours have been engaged in some pretty enthusiastic burning for the past hour or so hence resulting in our current genting-like abode. one wonders when they’ll realize the only thing they’re expediting is their passage to seeing those illusioned addition of riches to the family ancestors whilst my poor lungs take a battering from all the smoke residue.

not everything’s for me!

I came home laden. But yet, after sorting thru the stuff, I realized the “things-for-me” pile is distinctively smaller than the “things-for-others” pile. Strange. Only one super big regret this time is not buying more of the real comfy pretty dresses from Na Dao (Platinum Mall / #G-188). Thank goodness I visit the Land of Smiles ever so often. Till the next time then.

more than I can handle

Every this time of the year, I get more presents than I can handle or even want. Nope, it’s not my birthday nor is it Christmas. Anyways, I received some pretty useful stuff this year. Those I’ve put aside. The rest are in a paper bag for next year’s lucky dip. Who says I don’t take recycling seriously?

somehow somewhere

I didn’t ask to be perfect. I didn’t ask for things to come my way. I didn’t ask for situations to happen. But why when things go all topsy-turvy, everyone looks for me for answers. I don’t know everything. I can’t fix everything. Why can’t people just stop looking for me for solutions to problems I didn’t create in the first place? Whenever did I become the all knowing fix-it person? Somewhere along the line, it’s become unfathomable for me to fail. To screw up. I’m not perfect you know. I’m still only human. A little one for that matter. An inexperienced one to boot. I didn’t ask to be ‘smart’ or rational. I was made to become that way. Didn’t anyone realize that I didn’t really have a choice in that matter? I can’t remember ever having a chance to whine, stomp around the place and throw massive tantrums. Every tear I’ve shed was most probably recycled back into my system. But frankly, one can only hold so much in before finally caving. sometimes, I think my shoulders ache out of pure exhaustion of an emotional level more than a physical kind. Can I for once be the person strewing the pieces around the place? Can I just sit here and not have any answers to give?
Can I finally just be at a loss at what to do?
Can I? May I?

getting old

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

*growing old is a super pain. thank goodness there’ll always be others older than me*

what's in a name

Elizabeth
Derivation : From “Elisheba” meaning “oath of God”
Origin : Hebrew
Character : Refined
Strengths : Has the ability to cope in a crisis
Physical : No goal is too high for her to reach
Emotional : Builds relationships that last

morose moments

many times I stand in a crowd and feel so alone
the world seems to be passing me by, leaving me behind
everyday the finishing line gets further and blurer
the colours slowly ebbing away, exposing the ugly concrete grey

I’m getting used to people dear going away
betrayal. heartaches. relocation.
very soon nothing’s gonna really matter anymore
just another drop of despair in the murky depths of angst

*It seems the older one gets, the smaller the space to dream*

if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I’ve been playing this song over and over again and yet it stubbornly sticks in my mind, replaying over and over again whenever peace and silence reigns in my mind. partially irritating but I really suspect it’s because the words are so true and profound that it simply has to ring from my mind right through my subconscious.

*Chasing Cars*

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?