love is blind

Sometimes the complexity of life doesn't really hit till it does. Right there in the gut. I try not to discriminate even though it's pretty tough not to. Personal experiences haven't made it any better. Strange though, since I'm really a typical colour mixture portfolio. What tickled my funny bone and warmed my heart was when someone made pretty scathing remarks but excluded me from the main targets of aim, despite belonging to the same colour mix. Love is blind, in more ways than one. I am loved despite my colour.

the challenge

the money went in today. now it’s just wait and see.

unable vs unwilling

Today a pipsqueak half my age nagged at me to heed the nation’s call to procreate and aid the dwindling global population. She isn’t the first; neither will she be the last. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m genuinely unable to shackle another person for life or am I unconsciously resisting the notion and just plain running away. Somehow the process seems all so much more fun.

wise words

“We cannot talk to men effectively about God until we have spoken to Him about man.”

Lighter’s Link, September 16, 2007

living in genting minus the slot machines

my brother came home declaring a haze alert. apparently the neighbours have been engaged in some pretty enthusiastic burning for the past hour or so hence resulting in our current genting-like abode. one wonders when they’ll realize the only thing they’re expediting is their passage to seeing those illusioned addition of riches to the family ancestors whilst my poor lungs take a battering from all the smoke residue.

not everything’s for me!

I came home laden. But yet, after sorting thru the stuff, I realized the “things-for-me” pile is distinctively smaller than the “things-for-others” pile. Strange. Only one super big regret this time is not buying more of the real comfy pretty dresses from Na Dao (Platinum Mall / #G-188). Thank goodness I visit the Land of Smiles ever so often. Till the next time then.

more than I can handle

Every this time of the year, I get more presents than I can handle or even want. Nope, it’s not my birthday nor is it Christmas. Anyways, I received some pretty useful stuff this year. Those I’ve put aside. The rest are in a paper bag for next year’s lucky dip. Who says I don’t take recycling seriously?

somehow somewhere

I didn’t ask to be perfect. I didn’t ask for things to come my way. I didn’t ask for situations to happen. But why when things go all topsy-turvy, everyone looks for me for answers. I don’t know everything. I can’t fix everything. Why can’t people just stop looking for me for solutions to problems I didn’t create in the first place? Whenever did I become the all knowing fix-it person? Somewhere along the line, it’s become unfathomable for me to fail. To screw up. I’m not perfect you know. I’m still only human. A little one for that matter. An inexperienced one to boot. I didn’t ask to be ‘smart’ or rational. I was made to become that way. Didn’t anyone realize that I didn’t really have a choice in that matter? I can’t remember ever having a chance to whine, stomp around the place and throw massive tantrums. Every tear I’ve shed was most probably recycled back into my system. But frankly, one can only hold so much in before finally caving. sometimes, I think my shoulders ache out of pure exhaustion of an emotional level more than a physical kind. Can I for once be the person strewing the pieces around the place? Can I just sit here and not have any answers to give?
Can I finally just be at a loss at what to do?
Can I? May I?

getting old

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

*growing old is a super pain. thank goodness there’ll always be others older than me*

what's in a name

Elizabeth
Derivation : From “Elisheba” meaning “oath of God”
Origin : Hebrew
Character : Refined
Strengths : Has the ability to cope in a crisis
Physical : No goal is too high for her to reach
Emotional : Builds relationships that last

morose moments

many times I stand in a crowd and feel so alone
the world seems to be passing me by, leaving me behind
everyday the finishing line gets further and blurer
the colours slowly ebbing away, exposing the ugly concrete grey

I’m getting used to people dear going away
betrayal. heartaches. relocation.
very soon nothing’s gonna really matter anymore
just another drop of despair in the murky depths of angst

*It seems the older one gets, the smaller the space to dream*

if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I’ve been playing this song over and over again and yet it stubbornly sticks in my mind, replaying over and over again whenever peace and silence reigns in my mind. partially irritating but I really suspect it’s because the words are so true and profound that it simply has to ring from my mind right through my subconscious.

*Chasing Cars*

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

after 5 days of mental brainwashing

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover."
Mark Twain

not knowing

“You just have to know. And when you don’t know then no one can fault you for it. You do what you can, when you can, while you can. When you can’t, you can’t.”
Dr ‘The Nazi’ Miranda Bailey, Grey’s Anatomy

a real pain in the arse

I just re-read some of my old entries and I think I’m turning into an insufferable whining prig. Now that’s a horrid thought. Whatever happened? But truth be told, it’s getting harder and harder to smile in the face of such extreme adversaries. PR was really never my cup of tea. Panyways, I suppose it’s time to think good thoughts… think good thoughts… it’s all in the mind… yeah, right. Someone pass me a barf bag. quick!

a new beginning of sorts

Many a time life hits us with the unexpected. A curve ball that one simply can’t dodge. And for how long have you allowed that same ball to hit you square in the eye, over and over again. How many bruises have you sustained with the countless continuous battering pain without making a squeak of a sound. How many times have you envisioned a day free of such head pounding madness. How long have you lasted replaying those days in your head and yet do nothing at all. Isn’t it time to do something? The ball’s in your court, no matter where you think it really is.
Do something for yourself. For once.

christmas

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honour and glory for ever and ever.
1 Timothy 1:17 NIV

welcome to the world

today the world added another babe to its tally.
she's absolutely gorgeous.
to the guys out there, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

destitute

i spent the whole day exploring aka shopping at parkway parade with my mum. go figure.

forgotting what to do with leisure

my life is slipping away.
literally, since I’m doing nothing much with my leave.
so what exactly does one do with long stretches of time?
eat? sleep?
been there, done that.
anymore suggestions?