... ... ...

I got a really nice sms just now and it got me thinking
despite all the odds, the miles between us, the lack of hanging out time, the really varied interests, it really amazes me how we’ve managed to stay together for so long. many times we take things for granted. we assume that certain things are always meant to be. that nothing will change but as we look around us in this empty white space we term as the world, we cannot be acknowledge that time is slipping us by and that the world continues to spin its destined direction with or without us. and so, as we forge our own separate paths, by all rights, we should be treading a single line. but time and time again, we’ve managed to criss-cross. our life paths inextricably tangled together at various points. some may see it as a tiresome mess to extract themselves from. they may grumble, gripe or grouse. they may even throw tantrums. i’m just glad we met, we fellowshipped and decided to continue bumbling along together. it makes the journey all the more interesting with you around.

the joyride

lately i’ve been feeling more acutely that I’ve been taken more and more for granted. Just because I choose not to move from where I am doesn’t mean I haven’t been observing what has been going around me. must I always be the constant in everyone’s life? sometimes, just sometimes, I would like to do the opposite, be defiant and screw up just like everybody else. just because everyone else always screw up doesn’t mean that it’s ok to always forgive them and when I decide for the one rare blue moon time to step out of the pedestal that you’ve given me and try to paint the town red, I get chastised for it. Phrases like ‘you have changed’ and ‘I don’t expect this from you’ follow closely behind. The term unfair doesn’t even cut it. Understandably that I should be reprimanded for my misdemeanor but why am I being measured on a different yardstick from everyone else? why is the tolerance level for my misdeeds so much lower? I’m not perfect. I am only human. But why when you screw up nary an apology and I keep quiet for want of harmony and peace, I get it straight back in my face. The irony of it all. If this is what happens when one is responsible and dependable then I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m tired of being the one who will always be there and will not f*** up. I quit. screw it.

one voice one lifetime

I understand that each day I place a lot of stress on my vocals.
Without warming up, I place myself at risk of losing my voice.
I have only one voice for one lifetime.
The same is true of my students.

a new beginning of sorts

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins?
It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not even a new year.
It’s an event - big or small, something that changes us, ideally it gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, letting go of old habits, old memories.
What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning but it's also important to remember, amid all the crap, are a few things really worth holding on to.

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932

* Godspeed Hwei Yen. You are dearly missed *

take time...

Take time to think; it is the source of power.
Take time to read; it is the foundation of wisdom.
Take time to play; it is the secret of staying young.
Take time to be quiet; it is the opportunity to seek God
Take time to be aware; it is the opportunity to help others.
Take time to love and be lived; it is God’s greatest gift.
Take time to laugh; it is the music of the soul.
Take time to be friendly; it is the road to happiness.
Take time to dream; it is what the future is made up of.
Take time to pray; it is the greatest power on earth.

Author Unknown

the power-hungry

there are always going to be those who blame others for their own mistakes or undermine the efforts of others so they look better. To deal with bullies, maintain an assertive and calm demeanor, avoid getting drawn into heated arguments and keep discussions to the facts. It’ll soon be clear they haven’t got much of a point underlying their harsh criticisms.

*五月天* 你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了 你已经决定了

你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深切切淡掉了

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了 然后再后悔着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你知道真正的快乐你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让配角全部结束在此刻重新开始活着

This World Needs Leaders…

Who use their influence at the right times for the right reasons;
Who take a little greater share of the blame and a little share of the credit;
Who lead themselves successfully before attempting to lead others;
Who continue to search for the best answer, not the familiar one;
Who add value to the people and organization they lead;
Who work for the benefit of others and not for personal gain;
Who handle themselves with their heads and handle others with their hearts;
Who know the way, go the way, and show the way;
Who inspire and motivate rather than intimidate and manipulate;
Who live with people to know their problems and live with God in order to solve them;
Who realize that their dispositions are more important than their positions;
Who mold opinions instead of following opinion polls;
Who understand that an institution is the reflection of their character;
Who never place themselves above others except in carrying responsibilities;
Who will be as honest and faithful in small things as in great things;
Who discipline themselves so they will not be disciplined by others;
Who encounter setbacks and turn them into comebacks;
Who follow a moral compass that points in the right direction regardless of the trends.

An extract from the book “Effective Leadership” by Pastor Rony

* I have much to learn *

02082008

I’ve been really blessed with tons of stuff this year
Let’s see…

• a kiss
• loads of hugs
• birthday money
• oodles of sms-es
• handmade cards
• bunches of flowers
• silly pictures & poses
• a HUGE mug + a book
• couple of DVDs and CDs
• a tiara & toilet paper sash
• 3 cakes + 5 birthday songs
• a box of tartlets + an apple
• a girls only slumber party + a bolster
• uncountable handshakes & well-wishes

so here’s heaps of love to my bunch of silly friends with great big hearts overflowing with love
the fact that you’re always there makes the going so much easier to bear
thanks for the fabulous day!

looking up into the sky

somehow I seem to prefer the way the sky turns a lovely salmon pink when it bids farewell to the sun to the early rays of the morning sun brightening the sky. funny huh.
maybe it’s the way I feel so blessed for having lived a day more.
by the way, I like stars too.

hearing my cries

Do not despise your own prayers which come from your heart. They are so precious to God that the fragrance of your communication with Him is captured in golden bowls up there in Heaven. That means He has never forgotten what you have prayed, even the petitions you had uttered many years ago. They perfume the atmosphere of Heaven, and they are also in God’s heart.

An excerpt from Pastor Rony’s message on “The Central Control”

missing pieces

I really miss you guys. the dull ache suddenly became harder to bear today. was it the photo taking or was it the gloomy weather of late. or was it the knowledge that yet more of you are going to go real soon. sometimes I wished things could have just stayed the same and nothing ever changed but then I remember that you chose to go because you believed in a better tomorrow somewhere out there and took the plunge to see it through. then therein lies the question of whether I’m just too scared to go out into the big unknown or just plain stupid to let go and realize that things will never ever change for the better or maybe I’m just an optimist and am waiting a miracle to happen.

seeking

An encounter with God
by Os Hillman

So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision, I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. - Daniel 10:8

Daniel received a vision that troubled him greatly. He wanted understanding of this vision. He set himself out to understand the vision by fasting for three weeks. Three days after his three weeks of fasting, a messenger of God appeared to Daniel. The messenger explained that Heaven had heard his prayer from the first day, but the angel was temporarily prevented from coming by the prince of Persia, a demon angel, who sought to thwart God's messenger from coming to Daniel.

There are times in our lives when we must set ourselves to seeking God with all our hearts. It is in these times that we hear from Heaven in ways we may never have experienced before. Daniel's perseverance in prayer was rewarded with a personal encounter with Heaven. However, in order to receive from God, Daniel had to be left alone, have his strength removed, and be placed in a helpless condition.

When we have no ability in our own strength to move Heaven or the events around us, we are in position to hear from Heaven. It is the acknowledgment of our humanity and our frailness that places us in a position to have a personal encounter with the living God.

c.h.a.n.g.e

there are things in life we cannot change
and then there are things in life that we can change
however we never try to change the things that we can change
but instead constantly attempt to change the things that we cannot change

pushing my limits

I think I’ve bitten off way much more than I can chew. The apprehension of screwing up is currently keeping me alive. Then again I might just be trying to numb it all by throwing myself headlong into work. A stupid way but refreshing good at that point of time. Well let’s just see how it all pans out. Either I come out victorious or dashed into pieces. Somehow or other, I don’t think I’d feel real good whatever the outcome. As it is, I’m getting the intermittent chest pains and breathlessness again. And my mum’s starting to camp out in my room to monitor my eating routine. This is seriously not a very good sign.

the valued

“We don’t need more strength or more ability or greater opportunity. What we need is to use what we have.”
Basil S. Walsh

circles

"Lasting success in life is knowing your identity, purpose and destiny"
Rony Tan

*lately I’ve been going around in circles. the link’s inspiring thought really hit home. perhaps it’s time to seriously consider what I really do want and stop humming & hawing about it.*

another career option

today a good friend of mine said I sounded liked an airport announcer whenever I say the pledge. very professional. *phew* for a moment I thought I was screwing it up really bad and everyone was just being nice and sleepily enduring me early in the morning.
oh goody. another career option to be explored.

unruly emotions

my heart simply isn’t all that obedient lately. it has leapt at unforeseen circumstances, thumped incessantly and all that activity has influenced the brain to think of people that should have been long forgotten and stored in the dusty reaches of the long term memory section. sheesh. i must be having too much time on my hands.