looking up into the sky

somehow I seem to prefer the way the sky turns a lovely salmon pink when it bids farewell to the sun to the early rays of the morning sun brightening the sky. funny huh.
maybe it’s the way I feel so blessed for having lived a day more.
by the way, I like stars too.

hearing my cries

Do not despise your own prayers which come from your heart. They are so precious to God that the fragrance of your communication with Him is captured in golden bowls up there in Heaven. That means He has never forgotten what you have prayed, even the petitions you had uttered many years ago. They perfume the atmosphere of Heaven, and they are also in God’s heart.

An excerpt from Pastor Rony’s message on “The Central Control”

missing pieces

I really miss you guys. the dull ache suddenly became harder to bear today. was it the photo taking or was it the gloomy weather of late. or was it the knowledge that yet more of you are going to go real soon. sometimes I wished things could have just stayed the same and nothing ever changed but then I remember that you chose to go because you believed in a better tomorrow somewhere out there and took the plunge to see it through. then therein lies the question of whether I’m just too scared to go out into the big unknown or just plain stupid to let go and realize that things will never ever change for the better or maybe I’m just an optimist and am waiting a miracle to happen.

seeking

An encounter with God
by Os Hillman

So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision, I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. - Daniel 10:8

Daniel received a vision that troubled him greatly. He wanted understanding of this vision. He set himself out to understand the vision by fasting for three weeks. Three days after his three weeks of fasting, a messenger of God appeared to Daniel. The messenger explained that Heaven had heard his prayer from the first day, but the angel was temporarily prevented from coming by the prince of Persia, a demon angel, who sought to thwart God's messenger from coming to Daniel.

There are times in our lives when we must set ourselves to seeking God with all our hearts. It is in these times that we hear from Heaven in ways we may never have experienced before. Daniel's perseverance in prayer was rewarded with a personal encounter with Heaven. However, in order to receive from God, Daniel had to be left alone, have his strength removed, and be placed in a helpless condition.

When we have no ability in our own strength to move Heaven or the events around us, we are in position to hear from Heaven. It is the acknowledgment of our humanity and our frailness that places us in a position to have a personal encounter with the living God.

c.h.a.n.g.e

there are things in life we cannot change
and then there are things in life that we can change
however we never try to change the things that we can change
but instead constantly attempt to change the things that we cannot change

pushing my limits

I think I’ve bitten off way much more than I can chew. The apprehension of screwing up is currently keeping me alive. Then again I might just be trying to numb it all by throwing myself headlong into work. A stupid way but refreshing good at that point of time. Well let’s just see how it all pans out. Either I come out victorious or dashed into pieces. Somehow or other, I don’t think I’d feel real good whatever the outcome. As it is, I’m getting the intermittent chest pains and breathlessness again. And my mum’s starting to camp out in my room to monitor my eating routine. This is seriously not a very good sign.

the valued

“We don’t need more strength or more ability or greater opportunity. What we need is to use what we have.”
Basil S. Walsh

circles

"Lasting success in life is knowing your identity, purpose and destiny"
Rony Tan

*lately I’ve been going around in circles. the link’s inspiring thought really hit home. perhaps it’s time to seriously consider what I really do want and stop humming & hawing about it.*

another career option

today a good friend of mine said I sounded liked an airport announcer whenever I say the pledge. very professional. *phew* for a moment I thought I was screwing it up really bad and everyone was just being nice and sleepily enduring me early in the morning.
oh goody. another career option to be explored.

unruly emotions

my heart simply isn’t all that obedient lately. it has leapt at unforeseen circumstances, thumped incessantly and all that activity has influenced the brain to think of people that should have been long forgotten and stored in the dusty reaches of the long term memory section. sheesh. i must be having too much time on my hands.

34 days of freedom

i’ve watched loads of movies, braved the rain, gone shopping, seen the dermatologist, baked & decorated cupcakes, gone for courses, embraced domestication, had dinner with old pals, explored the singapore science centre, mapped out a curriculum outline, closed 3 department accounts, got a new credit card, completed a jigsaw puzzle, listened to the radio, read a dozen books, taken the mrt, gone for a massage, cut & coloured my hair, backed-up my hard drive, cooked, dutifully read the Straits Times while having breakfast, cleared my mess of a table, tidied my overflowing bookcase, went to a birthday party, reshuffled my audio-visual collection, hopped into one too many taxis, threw out tons of rubbish, folded & ironed my avalanche of clothes, bonded with my scv cable modem & digital set-top box, weeded out unwanted & unused stuff, completed a couple of korean drama serials, ‘babysitted’ the god-kids, attended an engagement, washed the dishes, watched crazy christmas twice, visited ONE LIFE exhibition, sang my lungs out during a really expensive karaoke session, slept in, eaten late, partied & hung out till early morning, shopped at mustaffa, made Christmas & thank you presents, applied for study leave, suffered through nightmares for a week, visited the singapore zoological gardens, bought things online, organized the ssg eoy gathering, filled up my beanbag, survived a flu attack, pigged out and grown fatter.

well nothing lasts forever. time to put my nose back to the grindstone.

broken dreams

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God because He was my Friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, “How can You be so slow?”
“My child,” He said, “What could I do? You never did let go.”

proud mama

by all rights, I know I should be sick in my stomach kinda of jealous and going all googly-eyed green but truth be told, I’m just so puffed up proud for her that I really, honestly, wanna cry. I’m just so deliriously glad she’s doing what she’s really happy and good at doing and as for me, strangely despite all my gripes, I still love what I’m doing. I may not be wearing high fashion or earning oodles of money but I love my job, stress and all so please don’t ask me to trade it all in except for one that features loads of big outdoors and villages.

come home

i simply love the song. enuff said.

what God won’t ask on that day

God won't ask what kind of car you drove.
He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

God won't ask the square footage of your house.
He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet.
He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

God won't ask what your highest salary was.
He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

God won't ask what your job title was.
He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of our ability.

God won't ask how many friends you had.
He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived.
He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin.
He'll ask about the content of your character.

God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation.
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

love is blind

Sometimes the complexity of life doesn't really hit till it does. Right there in the gut. I try not to discriminate even though it's pretty tough not to. Personal experiences haven't made it any better. Strange though, since I'm really a typical colour mixture portfolio. What tickled my funny bone and warmed my heart was when someone made pretty scathing remarks but excluded me from the main targets of aim, despite belonging to the same colour mix. Love is blind, in more ways than one. I am loved despite my colour.

the challenge

the money went in today. now it’s just wait and see.

unable vs unwilling

Today a pipsqueak half my age nagged at me to heed the nation’s call to procreate and aid the dwindling global population. She isn’t the first; neither will she be the last. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m genuinely unable to shackle another person for life or am I unconsciously resisting the notion and just plain running away. Somehow the process seems all so much more fun.

wise words

“We cannot talk to men effectively about God until we have spoken to Him about man.”

Lighter’s Link, September 16, 2007

living in genting minus the slot machines

my brother came home declaring a haze alert. apparently the neighbours have been engaged in some pretty enthusiastic burning for the past hour or so hence resulting in our current genting-like abode. one wonders when they’ll realize the only thing they’re expediting is their passage to seeing those illusioned addition of riches to the family ancestors whilst my poor lungs take a battering from all the smoke residue.