a lost one

suppose i've been mighty grouchy lately
no... no... it's not that time of the month
in fact, i'm hardly ever PMS 'cept i tend to eat a fair amount of chocolate then

anyways, like i said, i've been pretty grouchy lately
had this thought floating ard in my mind
had to put it down. to reach some form of catharsis i suppose

i don't appreciate pple walking out of my life.
i don't like hi & bye friends
pples, i've counted on to be there till the end of time
and suddenly, because of the lamest of all lame excuse of 'busy at work', they suddenly vanish *poof*
not a call, an sms or even an email. and when they finally are contactable of deign to let you into their whirlwind of aww... working life, the best they can come up with after that long absence is 'sorry, i've been busy' crap

k like i don't know how it feels to be busy. to be overwhelmed with work. literally submerged and gasping for breath kinda workload. come on, i work for the government. the one employer in singapore that squeezes every living bit of life out of you. point is, there's no such thing as i don't have time for you.

there's no such thing as i'm too busy to meet up with you. don't you need to eat sometime? feed that growling tummy of yours? or rest? i'm busy but i do remember my friends. the occasional sms to let the other people in your life know you still exist on the face of the earth would be rather helpful sometimes.

for a while, i thought you got kidnapped by aliens. even your best pal couldn't even locate you. had to ask me to ask about your current living status. and when you finally decided to acknowledge the people who have been through thick and thin with you, all you did was a 'sorry i haven't been ard and i don't think i'll be ard anytime soon since i'm currently so busy with work."

i'm glad i did that sms on you. not because i wanted to be mean but i wanted you to know how bewildered you made us feel and upset as well. and thank you for letting us know how dispensable we really are. honestly. thank you.

well all said and done. i'm too tired to ramble on.

so if i get hate mail i know i did the stupid thing and posted this online for the world to read. and for that, i really ought to kick myself in the arse.

nitez world. my life still goes on... only diff?

my phonebook just shrunk by one entry.

my gain his loss.

randomness

don't know whether there's such a thing as randomness but i've been thinking quite a fair bit lately *ouch* my head's been hurting from all the activity. suppose it's because i think my life's at the crossroads. well... was something that was already in the works so i suppose standing here sooner is better than later right?!

need some time to sort out myself... laterz...

steps to happiness

You can't be all things to all people.

You can't do all things at once.

You can't do all things equally well.

You can't do all things better than everyone else.

Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.


So:

You have to find out who you are, and be that.

You have to decide what comes first, and do that.

You have to discover your strengths, and use them.

You have to learn not to compete with others,

Because no one else is in the contest of being you.


Then:

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.

You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.

You will have learned to live with your limitations.

You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.

And you'll be just you.

Dedication

*this is for my stinky smelly brother who is perpetually stuck to his computer and refuses to get out of his pig sty of a room to get a decent shower*

THE Cow

My brother the cow
Who smells oh so foul
He's acts like a child
And is pretty dull
I bet he only knows that now

If he sits any longer on the chair
He's bound to get piles
Not that when it happens
I won't be all smiles

Something Comforting...

And I will be there in the end to give you comfort and to see you safely home where you'll sit beside me in all the glory of heaven

*such reassurance that our dying kids have in the knowledge that He holds their hand till the end of time*

I would rather live my life as if there is a God
And die to find out there isn't
Than live my life as if there isn't
And die to find out there is

Something I Wrote...

the words just came in church one day...
*an apt description of my life right now*

Confused

I've gone blind
And I've lost my way
As I stand at the crossroads
Unable to move myself

Suddenly the road before me
Goes all bleak
And everywhere else seems
All so much fun

And I stand confused
Where do I tread?
Am I to go forward
Or stay rooted to the spot?
Somehow going back
Doesn't seem an option at all

I've gone blind
And I've lost my way
At the crossroads of life
I stand confused

Something Special...

an answer to my question...
http://www2.caringbridge.org/ga/chance/

A Child On Loan

I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief
You’ll always have his memories as a solace in your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love and not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may
And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.
But should the angels call him much sooner than we’d planned
We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.”

Anonymous

Something Blue...

what is wrong with the world these days?
children suffering...
children dying...
children going missing...

*tis is so depressing*

why does God allow so much pain to happen on such innocents?

know i understand why pregnant mums always say
"it doesn't matter boy or girl. healthy is enough."

Something Borrowed...

'kay my arse & back hurts like hell
guess that's what too much sitting does to you...

sometimes i feel i'm living on borrowed time
pretty morbid thought i'd admit
whatever it is, the fact is i'm still here by grace
may i never forget that

Something Old...

i seem to have this innate ability to screw things up
as if this isn't anything new
life is pretty sucky right now...

Something New...

don't know why i even started this
as if i'm not busy enough
just wanted to try something new i suppose...